Diabetes limericks

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    • #5954
      Tim
      Keymaster

      Limericks = highest of all the artforms; thus (please, please join in with your own):

    • #7099
      Tim
      Keymaster

      There was a young man with a blog
      Whose insulin was analogue
      It’s not so strange
      It’s hardly deranged
      It’s just simply humalog

    • #7097
      Tim
      Keymaster

      There was a young man from Brunei
      Whose friends would look at him awry
      It’s not an affection
      I must do my injection
      It’s insulin and if I don’t I will die

    • #7098
      Tim
      Keymaster

      There was a young man with diabetes
      Who despite his many entreaties
      Asked for a pump
      Was told to take a running jump
      He then took it up with his health board and local MP to little avail.

    • #7100
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      @tim Perhaps a new Video Blog episode??

    • #7101
      Cecile
      Participant

      In order to stay diabeteless,
      You should keep your urine melitless.
      Shoot up day and night,
      Give your test strips a sight
      Or your frame will too soon become meatless.

    • #7102
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you wanted the idealised quantus
      Of your long-acting insulin Lantus:
      Hop onto the scale,
      Take note of its tale
      And quarter it all for your wantus.*

      *when reading aloud, pronounce -us as a lingering snaily -sss

    • #7103
      Tim
      Keymaster

      @ckoei – thought you would come up with some good ‘uns!

    • #7104
      Cecile
      Participant

      In Tim’s fridge, a bottle of onions
      Sets Annette a-drool into dustbins.
      Don’t let her shoot up
      With her spirited pump:
      Those sour bulbs cause gastric oblivions!

    • #7105
      Cecile
      Participant

      A Type 2 diabetic called Terry
      Even though hearthrugged & hairy,
      With no hair on his top
      His doses won’t stop
      Going up without end…it is scary. ;-O

    • #7108
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      @ckoei – Pmsl! I love it! :D

      A South African girl named Cecile
      Put out a global appeal,
      She just wanted to wheedle
      An insulin needle,
      That when stuck in she just wouldn’t feel.

    • #7109
      Annette A
      Participant

      There once was a lad from Dundee
      Who used MDI therapy
      For a pump he did ask
      Put his nurse to the task
      But she just said ‘We’ll just wait and see…’

      ‘We’ll put your name down on the list.’
      At this our young lad did get pissed.
      So he wrote loads of letters
      To his elders and betters
      But he might just as well have knit mist.

      So he waited, ’till cometh the day
      When the call came ‘We’re happy to say’
      Come November you’ll get
      What you haven’t had yet
      You pump finally is on its way!’

    • #7110
      Annette A
      Participant

      Said a young lass from Indian Queens
      Diagnosed in her quite early teens
      ‘On the bright side at least
      I can legally feast
      During schooltime on green jelly beans!’

    • #7111
      Annette A
      Participant

      Once a jab, then a pen, now a pump
      Once a pee test, now bloods – what a jump!
      But advances aside
      Highs and lows, far and wide
      Bring us all down to earth with a bump!

    • #7113
      Tim
      Keymaster

      He he! These are all excellent!

    • #7114
      Cecile
      Participant

      A lady shot up in her bosom,
      As her lap was beset by a possum:
      “It is always the best
      To pin corsage to chest,
      Or how else could you see that I blossom?”

    • #7115
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Lol! These are great! Love ’em :)

      Just wish I had some skill with words :S

    • #7116
      Cecile
      Participant

      You really need little Apidra
      If you’re set on devouring a hydra.
      The same doesn’t go
      For a bundle of dough –
      Else your pee will be yum for Candida.

    • #7117
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      The black Accu-Chek Compact Plus
      Is almost as big as a bus,
      But it still sucks your blood,
      N’ gives the figures it should
      So I don’t see why @Tim makes a fuss.

    • #7118
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Hyperglycaemia’s a bitch,
      Left too long it gives you the itch,
      Being hypo is worse
      It’s a terrible curse,
      ‘Coz you just might wake up in a ditch.

    • #7119
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      @teloz Love the last one Terry!! :)

    • #7121
      Cecile
      Participant

      If a needle snaps off in your skin,
      Just take a huge swig of gin.
      No need for a squeeze
      Or a pinch and a tweeze…
      There’ll be space in that overfull bin.

    • #7125
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      When your pancreas packs up it’s true
      Diabetes comes out of the blue.
      So it’s not such a sin
      Putting insulin in,
      For a pump though, you just have to queue.

    • #7127
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      I’m fed up of needles and pins,
      Of blood tests and big yellow bins,
      But it really don’t matter
      I’ve got even fatter,
      And I’m still a T2 for me sins!

    • #7128
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      I thought that the last Shoot Up poll
      Was quaint and a little bit droll
      But the answer to choose
      Was to top all T2s
      Now I daren’t even go for a stroll.

    • #7129
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Wow these are great but I’m rather impressed with @Teloz these last few are brilliant!

    • #7130
      Cecile
      Participant

      @teloz: Can’t say I pissed myself, ’cause I have aged parent’s TENAs at my disposal, but I’m still laughing :D (while also vomiting – I’m on hypo-heave sick leave, but go, go Collinguam!)

    • #7131
      Cecile
      Participant

      The USB Contour of Baery:
      A processes-itself little dairy –
      With its rennety ilk
      All your blood glucose milk
      Is transformed into cheese (and some sherry).

    • #7132
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Poor @ckoei is not very well
      She’s heaving her lungs up as well.
      Add the sad fact
      her urinary tract
      Is leaking, but no one can tell.

    • #7133
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Thanks everyone, but when you’re on a roll you just have to go with it! You may have noticed that I love limericks, but it’s hard to keep up with you @ckoei, you crack me up! :D

    • #7134
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      All diabetic fairies and gnomes
      Have lots of posh kit in their homes,
      With meters and pumps
      And garish sharps dumps,
      Plus instructions that come in big tomes.

    • #7136
      Cecile
      Participant

      When you’re low, with your head in the loo;
      Heaving up pint glasses of bitterish goo,
      You’re still writing prosy
      Second-rate bits of poesy
      All because of that lurking and leering Type Two…

    • #7137
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      While poor @ckoei is barfing her beer
      I find it incredibly queer
      That she still has the means
      To write limericks in reams
      ‘Cos she thinks that I’m having a leer.

      Us gnomes are much nicer than that
      Her back needs a rub and a pat.
      I’d help out if I could,
      As anyone would,
      But sadly I’m not where she’s at.

    • #7138
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Hmmmm… drifting off topic a bit now, but sod it, I’m having fun! My apologies to the Lord and Lady of the Blog. ;)

    • #7139
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      If it wasn’t for @Alison and @Tim
      I’d be out of this mess that I’m in.
      Driven by need
      To pen limerick screed
      With rhymes that at times are too thin.

    • #7140
      Annette A
      Participant

      While the tagline of Shoot-Up is droll
      Making humourless masses recoil
      @teloz gives wit
      @ckoei ‘s rhymes often fit
      So the rest of us can only LOL.

    • #7141
      Cecile
      Participant

      @annette: LOL (again)

      If diabetes brings blackest despair,
      Limerickan salvation is here:
      After green jelly Queens
      And Indian beans,
      A barfing bonanza will bring up some cheer :D

      Limericks might have some other medical significance: while lowing about quite a lot these last few days, I’ve noticed that when I’m going down, it becomes increasingly difficult to read the limericks rhythmically “right” (especially the lady with the bosom…) So if you don’t have CGM, keep these babies close at hand. And for hypers, you’ll have to start writing haikus :))

    • #7144
      Cecile
      Participant

      @teloz: What happened to “the dog’s danglies”? It still appears in “Activity”, but here on home ground, you seemed to have spayed it :(

    • #7145
      Cecile
      Participant

      As the world becomes misty and my magnifier seems cracked,
      Say salvete to “oxidation” and “binocular cataract”:
      They’ll suck it all out
      With a vacuuming snout,
      Then shove in some plastic…argh, my chin hairs are stacked!!!

    • #7147
      Cecile
      Participant

      Should they tickle my toes with a feather,
      I’ll “moo!” and pull at my tether…
      But the tuning fork’s ping
      Makes nothing go zing –
      So below I have ticklish & tone-deaf leather.

    • #7150
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      @ckoei – I don’t know what happened, I did delete one of my less salubrious efforts, but I didn’t mean to castrate the dog. He’s now fully recovered!

      An insulin pump is the best,
      The bugger is never at rest.
      With pretties and spanglies
      It’s just the dog’s danglies
      But of course, you still have to test.

    • #7158
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      I’ve a hole in my finger again
      And if I’ve got one I’ve got ten.
      Leaking blood by the litre
      To feed that damned meter,
      It gets very wearing y’ken!

    • #7162
      Cecile
      Participant

      @teloz: Oops, my bud-nipping terminology is a bit muddled…but with dog dangling along so merrily again, I hope that the bitch (called hyperglycaemia) is castrated! :)

    • #7166
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      A sexy young diabetic nurse
      Said, “I know that testing’s a curse,”
      But if you don’t test,
      Your heart will arrest
      And your last ride will be in a hearse!

    • #7167
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Metformin and Gliclazide
      Are distributed far and wide,
      To curb the blood glucose,
      And systemic sucrose,
      Of T2s on a slow downward slide.

      Please, can I stop now? My brain is inundated by limericks, it’s all your fault @Tim! :P

    • #7168
      Cecile
      Participant

      Count Dracula* counts carbs
      When sinking his barbs
      Into that sweet, sickly treat
      Which is diabetic meat…
      Until a week passes, and he’s discarded as sharps.

      *CGM

    • #7170
      Cecile
      Participant

      My genial goblin called Haem
      Is always denied a sweet dream
      By that bent upon jinn,
      Penny Insulin,
      And her short & long-acting scheme.

    • #7171
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Ghaaaaaa! I’m sorry, I can’t help it!

      The neuropathy don’t really hurt
      Or the drops of blood on my shirt
      It’s the fact that my willy
      Is now very silly,
      It needs Cialis pills to get pert!

    • #7172
      Cecile
      Participant

      Talking of pricks,
      I use* Multiclix:
      Just a roll of its barrel
      And the old ones skedaddle;
      With settings for deep or the slightest of snicks.

      *Where “use” doesn’t imply self-gratification, though all of Accu-Chek’s repertoire resemble hobbit-dildos. My current favourite (as far as suggestive shape goes), is Bayer’s Ascencia Microlet – it looks like something you could shave your legs with, one hair at a time :D

    • #7173
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      You ladies just don’t know the half
      Erectile dysfunction’s no laugh
      In moments of passion
      Dipping into one’s ration
      Of pills that help stiffen the staff

    • #7177
      Tim
      Keymaster

      Are we going off topic here a touch Terry? ;-)

    • #7179
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      @Tim – Well… sadly, it is diabetes related, diabetic neuropathy can be very cruel, and if my lewd little limericks can forewarn the younger men of the perils of poor control it would make me very happy. Let’s be honest, they’re only a tingey-whingey bit ribald.

      Now… can I find two words to rhyme with neuropathy… ;)

    • #7181
      Annette A
      Participant

      Retinopathy?
      Homeopathy?
      Allopathy?
      (And one maybe just made for @teloz) Erotopathy ;-)

    • #7182
      Cecile
      Participant

      Bureaucracy? (As uttered by a Discworldian Igor…and have your brolly at the ready :))

      When foot nerves to death go a-scurry
      It feels like your foot’s full of curry.
      But imipramine
      Will soothingly clean
      All feeling of fire in a hurry*.

      *Make that about 3 weeks. A few months later, the affected neurons will be as dead as doornails and as @teloz says, “neuropathy don’t really hurt”…but it does kill the albatross!

    • #7183
      Tim
      Keymaster

      Sorry Terry – I should have realised your limerick was a cautionary, salutary and somewhat chilling tale. You’re like the Ancient Mariner of the diabetes world! :-D

    • #7184
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic henswain called @charlie*
      Was sipping on Coke and malted barley
      When the size of her dram
      Made the boat capsize: “Damn!
      I should have one for weather and for lee.”

      *Shoot Up’s Middle(1/2 an Ancient @teloz) Aged Mariner, showing us the importance of being well balanced ;)

    • #7185
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      “Since then, at an uncertain hour,
      That agony returns;
      And till my ghastly tale is told,
      This heart within me burns.

      I pass, like night, from land to land;
      I have strange power of speech;
      That moment that his face I see,
      I know the man that must hear me:
      To him my tale I teach.”
      (The Rime of the Ancient Mariner; Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

      Damn that albatross; I can stand the smell, but the maggots drive me crazy!

    • #7186
      Tim
      Keymaster

      @teloz – he he he! :-D

    • #7187
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      It is an ancient diabetic
      And he stoppeth one in three
      ‘By thy cold grey toes and failing eyes,
      Have you a pump for me?’

      The doctor’s doors are opened wide
      He is the next one in,
      So down he sits, and then lets rip,
      Give me some insulin!

    • #7188
      Cecile
      Participant

      My Autoimmune-Team’s Mr. Ts
      Became mean to my pancreatic Bs:
      They were smashed & bashed
      And phagocytically stashed;
      For their graves, I got pots of sweet Ps.

    • #7189
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Toes that are lost to gangrene
      Are the nastiest thing that I’ve seen,
      But reduction in heat
      Kills the fungus on feet,
      So not all news is bad it would seem.

    • #7190
      Tim
      Keymaster

      @hils – very good!!

    • #7191
      Cecile
      Participant

      @teloz: Re “reduction in heat”,

      If a bride/groom’s feet has to be cold
      To keep all those microbes on hold,
      Diabetics can’t marry,
      In limbo they’ll tarry,
      Or give up a limb if they fold?

      (or they can wash their feet in a lukewarm & weak saline solution to bugger up infective single cells’ osmotic balance…and live happily&cosy-toed ever after :))

    • #7215
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      There was a diabetic named Tim
      Whose view of pump funding was dim
      They told him to wait
      His health left to fate
      But at least he’s got a cannula in!

    • #7218
      Tim
      Keymaster

      @charlie – he he he!

    • #7228
      Cecile
      Participant

      “As big as an egg” is the carby portion
      Long held as standard when stuffing starch in:
      But would this ovum be able to fit
      In the egg-pipe of ostrich or that of a tit…
      Or is it pushed out by some chicken contortion?

    • #7231
      Cecile
      Participant

      The stuff that we now use to bolus
      Is rather inclined to go solus.
      Where the oldies ring-a-rosied,
      The new ‘uns won’t be posied:
      They tiff and rush off to where a hole* is.

      *insulin receptor

    • #7232
      Cecile
      Participant

      Lingering Lantus piles into a scrum
      That loosens up daylong, to ruck, then to crumb;
      While the Levemir-bantling is best tucked away
      In the bosom of Al* for its 12-hourly stay…
      Though both “rugby” & “baby” are a pain** in the bum.

      *Albumin
      **Especially if injected straight from fridge

    • #7237
      Cecile
      Participant

      At dawn, glycaemic doors are thrown ajar –
      Out gallops enough glucose to make a Mars Bar.
      To herd it all in
      To pastures of green,
      You’ll need an insulin whip (and sugar lumps, if you go too far).

    • #7241
      Cecile
      Participant

      While watching the telly, and there’s two Doctors Whos –
      After not necessarily drinking litres of booze,
      One might rightly presume
      Without pricking a thumb,
      That one’s sweetness is TARDISing towards temperate twos…

    • #7259
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you yearn for an insulin Sten
      That resembles a transvestite peahen,
      Just nab a few feathers
      And glue them to leathers
      With which to dress up your old Autopen.

    • #7267
      Cecile
      Participant

      When you pump, you’re bound to get you tubed
      While asleep and your neck becomes belooped:
      To get out of that spot
      Of Gordian knot,
      Use a sword, but beware of having head cubed!

    • #7299
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      There was a young woman with high
      Blood sugars, and so she would die
      But with Medical Support
      And DAFNE self taught
      She might diabetes defy!!

    • #7300
      Tim
      Keymaster

      These get better! We should publish them in book form and donate the profits to a massive Shoot Up booze fund!

    • #7302
      Cecile
      Participant

      Shoot Up’s sottish, head snorting swign
      Plans to use us to buy Scottish whine!
      Please cook up his trotters
      With fried green tomotters,
      ‘Cause choccies&cheese are much more divyne…

    • #7306
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      There was a young lady, Cecile,
      Who carb counted before every meal
      Despite insulin flowing
      She knew where her blood sugars were going
      Thanks to Tim, and his ContourUSB deal!!

    • #7308
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Shoot Up’s a wonderful blog
      It tries to cut through the fog;
      It has members who’re numerous,
      Articles that are humorous,
      And a mod who’s a diabetic dog.

    • #7310
      Tim
      Keymaster

      @teloz – he he! I like that one!

    • #7352
      Cecile
      Participant

      A self-suckling*, parched diabetic
      Can be salted and dished up as fesikh:
      When ground to a paste,
      What glorious taste
      Is that sweet-saline, sure-fire emetic**!

      *All those fingertipsy bloodhounds among us
      **Guaranteed to get rid of sugar (and everything else)

    • #7429
      Cecile
      Participant

      The pancreatic god SusAnthony*
      Got split into 2 below the knee:
      While Su sugars on,
      Ant’s footing has gone,
      So it’s better to worship our BrownFinney.

      *For the sake of Calvinistic monotheism & limerickan rhythm, Susan (Sugar upping sauce after nilpermouth/glucagon) and Anthony (Anti-honey/insulin) had to be fused… and stuff somatostatin!

    • #7434
      Cecile
      Participant

      A giraffe gave a covetous sigh,
      ’cause its blood glucose was always high:
      “Being a gnome
      (or a miniature poem),
      You’ll be low even if you eat pie*…”

      *specifically, apple turnovers

    • #7435
      Alison
      Keymaster

      Wow, I am in awe of so many literary masterpieces. It seems that all the energy saved by not producing any insulin has been diverted to the creative genius part of your brains. I never dreamt you could shoehorn diabetes into quite so many limericks!

    • #7441
      Cecile
      Participant

      @alison: You still owe us at least 27 – all Shoot Up members are obliged to write as many limericks/haiku(s) as years since they’ve been diagnosed (and those who’ve had it for less than 20 yrs are bound by their genetic propensity to go back to their conception…so one poem will only have to be 9/12 or 3/4 of a full one :D)

    • #7442
      Alison
      Keymaster

      @ckoei So not only do I have to have an annual eye/foot/kidney/blood pressure/everything else check, I now need to add limerick composition to the list? These diabetes complications are getting out of control!

    • #7448
      Cecile
      Participant

      @alison: If you want to complain, do it in rhyme (AABBA). And to placate Shoot Up’s bisexual pancreatic god(s) Susan & Anthony/BrownFinney, your (and everyone else’s) tally has just gone up to 32 (after adding Tim’s few drops)…she she she, thank goodness I’ve got limerickpathy ;)

    • #7449
      Alison
      Keymaster

      I thought having diabetes wasn’t too bad
      Until @ckoei made me so sad
      If bad eyes and kidneys weren’t complications enough
      I now find there’s even more stuff
      Like writing enough damn limericks to drive you mad

    • #7452
      Cecile
      Participant

      Hurrah! She’s off! (you’ll have to bash your own bow with a champagne bottle)…31 to go – and no one’s yet mentioned Fruit Pastilles (or the dangers of Chinese dumplings) :)

    • #7453
      Alison
      Keymaster

      Some say that Rowntrees Fruit Pastilles
      Are the cure to all of life’s ills
      When your brain’s full of typos
      And you know that you’re hypo
      It’s time to reach for those sugar-rush pills

    • #7454
      Annette A
      Participant

      Okay, it’s not a limerick, but…
      ODE TO A NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETIC
      When your numbers keep on climbing
      And your thirst wont go away
      If your vision goes all blurry
      Then you’re hyper on that day.
      If you feel a little shaky
      Once your levels start to drop
      If your brain won’t think in straight lines
      Glucose will, the hypo, stop.
      Once your HBAs are stable
      At a number close to 6
      When your post meals levels hover
      Close to 8, you’ve found the fix!
      When your food intake and dosage
      Of the insulin you need
      Have been tested, checked and sorted
      You’re in charge – you take the lead!
      Soon you’ll know as much as they do
      If you do your research well
      Your control will be in your hands
      – go and give those ‘experts’ hell!

    • #7461
      Cecile
      Participant

      For when you’re hypo, and prone to cussing
      Add some FPs to your washing.
      Then drink that effluent, slimy jelly
      (Thanks to soap, it isn’t smelly):
      It’ll smack your gob and stop ears blushing…

    • #7467
      Cecile
      Participant

      As genetic hairdos get shaped in the womb,
      Some HLA-genes are missed by the comb.
      Sooner or later,
      You’re a self-protein hater,
      And the gel ignites (of the Type 1 bomb).

    • #7478
      Cecile
      Participant

      The day Immune System starts driving a car,
      Some glandular bits* will get smacked to the tar.
      You’d think the DVLA
      Would have something to say,
      Yet the IS is immune – it’s really bizarre!

      *in the case of organ-specific autoimmunity (like T1 diabetes)

    • #7519
      Cecile
      Participant

      In the Martian city of L’Aventis,
      You can perambulate with holey panties
      And Lantus your bum…
      But Apidra your tum
      For those Mars bars’ feasts of plenties.

    • #7522
      Cecile
      Participant

      A sili nun named Su-Lin In
      Committed such a luni sin:
      She flirted with some antibodies,
      Let them in where only God is.
      This sin has done you in*, Su-Lin…

      *Have mercy! Poor thing was set on the road of debauchery after her beta-cell convent was invaded & destroyed by a mob of autoreactive T-cells :(

    • #7523
      Stephen
      Participant

      @ckoei some of these make my head hurt :)

    • #7524
      Cecile
      Participant

      Engelbert makes my head hurt
      Sitting there against Tim’s shirt,
      In summer’s heat…
      Rip off that tweed:
      Don tank top and a miniskirt!

    • #7525
      Tim
      Keymaster

      @ckoei – Pfft!

    • #7530
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      @ckoei‘s a very nice girl
      But her mind is all in a whirl.
      Writing Limericks galore
      She could be a bore,
      But instead she’s a poetic pearl

    • #7539
      Cecile
      Participant

      After pinpointy piercing by Singer,
      Your clothes think: “In safety we linger”,
      But what have we here…
      An insulin spear?
      You merciless mercery stinger!

    • #7544
      Cecile
      Participant

      And specially for @katie,

      Being stabbed by a needling Bernina,
      For your garb is just a beginner:
      If you inject through your clothes,
      You add to their woes –
      To textiles you cannot be meaner.

    • #7546
      Cecile
      Participant

      You’re likely to go hypo at Morecambe:
      Potted shrimps haven’t got much carbs on ’em.
      For a taste of what’s rich,
      Plunge into Blackpoolish pitch –
      A dip in that treacle will score some.

    • #7559
      Cecile
      Participant

      To cauterize leaky, retinal veins,
      Use a swamp dragon’s not-too-hot flames:
      To temper its heat,
      Feed it chilli that’s sweet,
      Or your ears might start puffing like steam-engined trains…

    • #7563
      Cecile
      Participant

      Most pumpers’ desideratum’s a clip
      That in a blink onto bloomers can slip.
      A belted bikini?
      If your name’s Mussolini…
      And while marching, you need extra grip.

    • #7576
      Cecile
      Participant

      An injection-objector, Blob Chick,
      Said: “Your penning has made me feel sick!”
      Though her public tooth-picking-
      And-lip-balm-on-sticking
      Have conjured up loads of reciprocal ick…

    • #7617
      Cecile
      Participant

      When courting a testy D-lass,
      Make sure your sweet-talk’s not too crass:
      With umpteenth innuendo
      About needles doing what men do,
      You’ll have plentiful pricks come to pass.

    • #7632
      Cecile
      Participant

      After weeks of being tectonic drift’s guest,
      Female BGs start climbing a hormonal crest:
      As plates collide,
      Peaks & troughs coincide;
      Pancake planes get crumpled up and there’s nEverest.

    • #7638
      Cecile
      Participant

      Glycaemic’ly speaking, some feasts can be taXing:
      With so much to eat that is sweet & climaXing.
      Pigging out in this way,
      You might lose limbs in the fray,
      And end up as boar’s head…with an apple…relaXing.

    • #7654
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My BGs have got writer’s block:
      Block block block block block block.
      Block block block block block bloc,
      Block block block block block bloc…
      Block block block block block block block block!

      It looks like a neat & stable 5 high…just wish I could get some writer’s mortar, too –
      they’re so easily flattened to the floor or piled into towering heaps without it.

    • #7655
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      I’m really worried by Wally,
      I think she’s dropped off her trolley.
      Making limerick waste
      Using copy and paste,
      No wonder she’s not very jolly!

      Oooooops! Duly edited to reflect the true gender of Wally. My sincere apologies!

    • #7656
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      You have to feel proud of Cecile
      Her poems have lots of appeal.
      Sometimes they don’t scan
      As a limerick can
      But she writes them with unstinting zeal.

    • #7657
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      @teloz: I know Wally has a certain manly ring to it, but my full female glory – Wallette – makes me sound like a spendthrift bulwark of capitalism, so I fare forth with the former (just take note that I’m topped with some lovely Cochrane curls, and downwards I’m fully (f)rocked :) )

    • #7659
      Cecile
      Participant

      The reason CGM glucose sensors
      Can’t be dished out by medicine dispensers,
      Is that the BBC’s* got
      The whole blooming lot:
      Some six hundred’s employed as censors!!!!!!!

      *Poor things are tortured into dropping their esses by means of endless repetition of the spell “be…be…cee!”

    • #7662
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      @brickwall – sorry about the gender confusion, but you have to admit your avatar isn’t very helpful, that’ll teach me to do more research! Anyway, my derogatory ditty has been duly corrected. :)

    • #7663
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      My long suffering diabetes nurse
      Said, “Your vascular system’s perverse!
      When I try to get blood
      It’s like syphoning mud,
      It’s enough to make a bloody nurse curse!”

    • #7664
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Nursie got very upset
      With the last lot of blood that she let.
      My HbA1c
      Was eight point six-three
      She said, “How bloody daft can you get?”.

    • #7665
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Cathy my nice DSN
      Is not very happy with men.
      When she sticks in the needle
      She turns really evil,
      And pokes ’round again and again.

    • #7666
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you’re @teloz, and weigh nearly a ton,
      It’s such burden to go for a run.
      Let Nurse chop you in two
      And give each half a shoe:
      They’ll lightfootedly hop down to 4.31…5*

      *hypothetical HbA1c of one @teloz/2

    • #7671
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic cockroach, Grigori’s
      Staple foods were sweets & liquorice.
      He’s now got six feet under
      And ommatidia all asunder –
      Thank goodness he can’t move to where that sticker is.

    • #7679
      Cecile
      Participant

      While shovelling snow up north,
      Set your basals to halfpennyworth…
      Or you might end up low,
      Then scooped up by a plough
      And tossed in the Firth of Forth.

    • #7700
      Cecile
      Participant

      When bugged by a plethora of plugs
      Used to bung up infusion set mugs,
      With a dollop of glue
      They’ll be baubles anew:
      Some seasonal finery for your fir (of Doug’s).

    • #7701
      Cecile
      Participant

      Diabetics with high blood sugars
      Are quite tasty for sweet toothed cougars.
      Just remind them to brush:
      Such sweetmeaty mush
      Is catastrophic for feline chewers.

    • #7705
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Gnomey has got a new meter,
      It’s not really very much neater
      Than the old Compact Plus
      That’s the size of a bus
      And sucks up his blood by the litre.

    • #7706
      Cecile
      Participant

      Terry’s new, colossal Cmpct +
      Sounds as thirsty as I once was
      Before diagnosis,
      Drinking Coke in big doses…
      Perhaps its BGs do ten surpass?

    • #7711
      Cecile
      Participant

      Should you land in a mosh pit sans* clothes
      And your pump is endowed with a hose,
      Get rid of the arms
      Of headbanging barms –
      A chain saw will timely of all tube hooks dispose.

      *But equipped with belt & @annette‘s hardy camera case, ’cause you’re going to need both hands to handle the saw :D

    • #7712
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Those ladies hooked up to a pump
      Sometimes get a bit of a hump;
      Their hoses in tangles
      With bracelets and bangles
      They come back to earth with a thump.

    • #7713
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Female penis envy is dead,
      They’re after our gonads instead.
      Testicular betas
      Are now here to greet us
      Can men ever sleep safe in their bed?

    • #7714
      Cecile
      Participant

      Are you sick & tired of test prickles?
      Nip tiny bits off Terry’s testicles;
      Shoot them up in your back
      And prevent immune flak:
      Send your T-cells on their sabbaticals.

    • #7715
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Misogynistic limericks aside
      Women just fill me with pride.
      We men just can’t tell,
      With our single brain cell,
      The compassionate nature you hide.

    • #7716
      Cecile
      Participant

      In the ruthless world of limericks
      There’s no sweetness or big, cheesy winks ;)
      For the sake of a rhyme,
      There’ll be many a crime:
      Like “camembert” & “preserved figs”*.

      *another one of those dishes of death that is dastardly difficult to bolus for…

    • #7717
      Cecile
      Participant

      Poor @teloz is really being stressed
      In the search for some savings and through quest
      For born again B*-cells:
      First gallows, now belles
      Out to grab albatross eggs from his nest.

      *Beta (forum unable to do Greek letters)

    • #7718
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      I’m glad I don’t live in SA
      And see our Cecile every day.
      Her vast intellect
      Makes me feel so henpecked
      I’d eventually wither away.

    • #7719
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      One hundred and thirty nine posts
      Must be a surprise to our hosts.
      Limerickical rhymes
      in these modern times
      Must be worth any number of toasts!

    • #7720
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      It’s really quite easy to fall
      For the prospect of losing a ball;
      To beat diabetes
      It’s easy to see these
      As objects of useful recall.

    • #7721
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Tim’s diabetic top tip
      Is get Engelbert driving your ship
      At first he injected
      But now that’s rejected
      And now they are joined at the hip.

    • #7722
      Cecile
      Participant

      I hereby declare @teloz bull of the ball :D

      So my brain’s inhabited by a brood of intellig-hens
      That make @teloz quail when they cackle their loony sense?
      They can’t prevent hypos
      Or cataracts & fry toes,
      But they can pop out rotten eggs* by the hendecadozens…

      *limer(ch)icks

    • #7723
      Cecile
      Participant

      Good gracious! So @tim is a hippie?
      Continuously out on a drippy trip, he?
      No more pens that are swords
      To strike my empathy chords
      And no more reason to be dippy?

    • #7724
      Cecile
      Participant

      It’s taken me years for the penny to drop
      On how to hitch pump to your midriffic cob:
      With a CLICK, THUNK and cry, Oh!
      Of Oh-my, Oh-mio!
      It seems like quite a handful…or would that be a bob?

    • #7730
      Cecile
      Participant

      When inserting sensing bits in your blubber,
      You’ll be in need of a lard-cleaving grubber:
      If you have no harpoon,
      You can sharpen a spoon –
      With which you also can shovel in your supper.

    • #7732
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My BGs are such unruly kids:
      Supposed to stay safe & sound in the mids,
      But they’re drawn like dog hairs
      To carpeted stairs –
      Up and down all day long…foolish gits!

    • #7742
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My BGs drive me up the wall
      When they upwardly climb & downwardly fall.
      For their ups, there is insulin;
      For their downs, I put sweeties in…
      So Humpty’s got a mattress* and a mound, few bricks tall.

      *made of marshmallow

    • #7743
      Cecile
      Participant

      Diabetes is an interminable test
      With overs never over and no rest.
      Armed with insulin bat
      And glucose bowled fast* at that,
      You can but hope that the pitch is the best**.

      *& slow, you never know with a bowler who ;

    • #7744
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Comparing diabetes to cricket
      Is clever you know, just the ticket!
      The analogy’s sound
      For the merry-go-round
      With the needle and just where to stick it.

    • #7746
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      The buttock, the belly, the thigh,
      The choice makes me waver and sigh
      I know that the needle
      Is not really evil
      But when it hurts me I just wonder why.

    • #7749
      Cecile
      Participant

      Diabetic gnomes have such sensitive feelers:
      Even mossies can make them turn squealers.
      If what you hear sounds appalling
      (Like soprano bagpipes caterwauling),
      They’d much rather shoot up than go mealless.

    • #7754
      Cecile
      Participant

      Chirping on in crickety vein:

      You can also use glucose as willowy swat
      To dab at balls bowled by the insulin squad:
      With basals as spinners
      And fast bolus* winners,
      Your wickets will go low, shot or no shot.

      *bowlers’

    • #7758
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Those horrible, nasty T2s
      Are taking much more than their dues.
      All that posh insulin
      That they’re pumping in
      Should be left for the others to use.

    • #7759
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      To save costs in our great NHS
      We must give the T2s something less.
      Putting them on strict diets
      Won’t cause any riots,
      But it won’t help to sort out the mess.

    • #7766
      Cecile
      Participant

      In order to kick an infusion set goal,
      Get Gerrard to make you a hole.
      Just hope that your lard
      Is not van der Sarred
      And that your cannula darts in like Joe Cole.

    • #7767
      Cecile
      Participant

      For a game of diabetic darts,
      Paint your stomach without triple parts:
      Protect your bull’s eye with glasses
      To prevent umbilic trespasses;
      Put a score of 10* or less on the cards.

      *for kidneys’ sake

    • #7772
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Tim’s Shoot Up review of the year
      Really is nothing to fear;
      Written so quick
      With his digital Bic,
      Once read it runs out of your ear. :)

    • #7773
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Good old Diabetes UK
      Often has plenty to say
      About things diabetic
      And lives so frenetic
      It’s best if you do as they say.

    • #7774
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Some people would say that it’s sad
      For Gnomey alone in his pad
      Writing crap limericks
      To get all his kicks
      As if rhyming was all that he had.

    • #7775
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      With lantus my flab is awash
      Absorbing large dollops of dosh
      That the poor NHS
      I have to confess
      Could use to buy clerks orange squash.

    • #7776
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Five needles a day is the norm
      Six or seven if my blood’s out of form
      Add the holes from the lancets
      That make me do dance steps
      Diabetes just goes down a storm!

    • #7778
      Cecile
      Participant

      Those nasty NHS top brass
      Have been wasting dough on orange squash & cars.
      Now they’re withholding Lantus
      To make their patients sweet as Fantas,
      Then sold & served in vampiric bars.

    • #7779
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      The holiday season is here
      A time all diabetics fear.
      When you know that mince pies
      Can ruin your eyes
      And your kidneys, it’s perfectly clear.

    • #7780
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      If nakedness floats your boat
      Running around sans your coat
      Just watch your blood glucose
      And membranes that are mucose
      Or your DSN bites out your throat!

    • #7781
      Cecile
      Participant

      In the case of diabetes,
      Both cursed & blessed are sweeties:
      When high, you must stop;
      When low, stuff your gob
      Or you’ll end up not too sure of where your feet is.

    • #7782
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      On days when your poor feet are numb
      It’s easy to end on your bum.
      To slide and to slip,
      To stumble and trip,
      It’s really not very much fun.

    • #7783
      Cecile
      Participant

      Neuropathy now gets accused
      ‘Cause @teloz‘s bum is abused.
      Rather glare at your Croc:
      It turns floor into bog –
      You wouldn’t get glued if you were differently shoesed.

    • #7785
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Those Crocs are really ideal
      For protecting feet that can’t feel
      The reduction in pain
      Is a positive gain
      When you know that they won’t ever heal.

    • #7786
      Cecile
      Participant

      The NHS’s newest way to skive
      And make all Type Two BGs dive,
      Is to give them a shoe
      Made of concrete & glue…
      You might end up* with a mermaid wife.

      *or is it down…at Morecambe?

    • #7787
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Wherever the nice T1s lead
      With their minuscule insulin need
      The T2s will foller
      In profligate squalor
      Drinking gallons and gallons, like mead.

    • #7788
      Cecile
      Participant

      With sweet blood & high blood pressure,
      Take a hot bath for your pleasure:
      You’ll be cooking some jam
      Without* “wham!” or a “bam!” –
      And be prized as well-preserved treasure.

      *thanks to holes made by injections/infusions/lancets

    • #7789
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      I’m actually beginning to see
      That Cecile is competing with me,
      Each diabetic story
      Is for limerick glory,
      We’re both just sad as can be.

    • #7790
      Cecile
      Participant

      Limericks aren’t supposed to be flaunt lit:
      A throwing down of the verbal gauntlet…
      These long-distance strolls
      Through diabetic dust bowls
      Were meant to be jolly & frolicking jaunt* lit(?)

      *Of course, you’re going to have to get rid of those cumbersome, concrete clonkers and clap on Crocs (after slipping out of scratchy, sad sackcloth**)

      **This is a not very subtle challenge to see who can compose the most alliterative limerick…and I urge other members to join the fray – we’ll need a sizable army to conquer @teloz on that front ;)

    • #7791
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My BGs are blooming bumbling bees,
      Can’t crank out honey, ’cause they’ve lost the keys:
      Niggling insulin’s nigh
      So glucagon has gone shy;
      Fall down the flue to bounce* back to your knees.

      *compliments of adrenaline

    • #7793
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Alliterative limericks lack lustre
      Bedecked with bravado and bluster.
      Rough, rollicking rhymes
      On euphemistic enzymes,
      Many more than a mad man might muster.

    • #7794
      Cecile
      Participant

      After autoimmune assasination
      Of bulging betas (by bashing them thin),
      Your T-cells can’t cope
      With the D they’ve dished up:
      Every tea time, enneedle & eat the min*.

      *minimum…or mince pies

    • #7795
      Cecile
      Participant

      Fruit Pastilles fit in a feline Fleur bag
      & Give good grounds to gallivant through the Gulag.
      Halt happy hard labour!
      Insulin is in favour:
      Jam down those jujubes to jellify your JET LAG*.

      *Jackhammering Exertions To blame (for) Low Arterial Glucose

    • #7796
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      Footnotes are a terrible way
      To explain what your rhyme has to say
      If you can’t get the metre
      With alpha and beta
      You might as well not try and play.

    • #7797
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      A limerick’s rhythm is fixed
      By traditions that can’t be unmixed
      Though tweaks are allowed
      You can’t fool the crowd
      So the ones that don’t work are just nixed.

    • #7798
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      This blog is a wonderful model
      Helping new diabetics to toddle
      Through DMI doses
      To pumps and their hoses
      Without lots of ignorant twaddle.

    • #7799
      Annette A
      Participant

      Alliterative Angels and
      Heavenly Hosts all Holding Hands
      Sweetly Singing
      Bolus-Busting
      Carb-count carols ‘cross the land.

    • #7800
      Annette A
      Participant

      Deck the halls with dratted holly
      Thorns that really arent so jolly
      leaves that prick
      without test strips
      Isnt it just bloody folly?

    • #7801
      Cecile
      Participant

      @annette: It’s unfair, you’ve got an alliterative name & surname! :D

      From Queen Victoria’s ball,
      You’ll make an enormous haul
      Of pancreatic betas
      With which they can treat us
      To prevent our il&merickal fall.

      I know, I know, I don’t refer to anything in the text above, but as footnote I was extremely affronted by @teloz‘s unwelcoming words…I thought that for diabetes limericks, we might indicate that they weren’t amputees?

    • #7802
      Cecile
      Participant

      I’m off to make scones with lemonade & cream:
      It’s as “fast” as an Analog Insulin stream…
      But their stay in the oven
      Really is a dozen,
      Not like Ana’s thirty-supposed-to-be-fifteem.

    • #7803
      Cecile
      Participant

      A kamikaze kangaroo
      Was Lantussed & ‘Logged into the loo.
      Could a Medtronic model
      With neat, nifty noddle
      Our ‘opper obstetricize out of the poo?

    • #7804
      Cecile
      Participant

      Pachyderms who pump, get pierced with a porcpin:
      That queasy quilting-with-a-quill is quartan.
      The range* includes “Rhino”
      And slender, svelte “Spino“;
      If their tummies are tallowed, it might take a tall ‘un.

      *currently available are “Porcupine” (middling), “Rhino”(robust), “Spino”(lengthy), “Sugarbird”(ideal for hyperglycaemic fine artists) and “Kudu”(if you’re kinky)

    • #7805
      Cecile
      Participant

      Dig into tens of tubs of DIABICE:
      It’s refreshingly light, and rather nice.
      To prevent this delight
      From causing frostbite,
      Add a tiny tinge of chilli spice.

    • #7806
      Cecile
      Participant

      Ubiquitous BGs will be under and up
      ‘Cause that vagabond vampire has vacated his sup.
      So why is his wame sick
      And for Xmas, he’s exodontic?
      “A yard of yummy yule sop makes a yucky* yule cup.”

      *Count Dracula isn’t really into dessert wines (like @hils, he’s afraid he’ll appear foppish :D)

    • #7807
      Cecile
      Participant

      zzzzzzzz…sorry, such a taxing stretch of alliteration has induced hypoglycaemic zizzing (x_x)

    • #7808
      Cecile
      Participant

      If nude DIABICE should give you the shivers,
      Try the new kind with Fruit Pastille slivers.
      You’ll be burning more fuel
      Eating stuff with a chill:
      Some sweetness might help out your dozy D liver(s).

    • #7809
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you’re a believer in voodoo,
      You might think the horn of a kudu
      Can be used as syringe,
      As it fits you a cinch:
      Its uncontrolled spiral does suit you.

    • #7810
      Cecile
      Participant

      @stephen has mislaid his Mio –
      He now has to use a corkscrew
      To put in that pipe
      Close to his tripe
      And hope that his spirit stays VO*.

      *Very Obliging

    • #7811
      Cecile
      Participant

      A rude & outlandish hippo
      Has been stepping on everyone’s big toe…
      It’s just ’cause Queen Vic’s
      Hot cough syrup mix
      Has more carbs & ‘cohol than that snow.

    • #7812
      Cecile
      Participant

      If being pronged makes you smart,
      You can now perhaps take heart:
      Don’t cover your balls –
      This clever dick calls
      For nanotech’s little-speck art.

    • #7813
      Cecile
      Participant

      Test strips as such aren’t muti,
      But are still a big part of your booty:
      For a pot, you give Mammon
      Three kilos of gammon*…
      Or more, at ASDA, if he’s not snooty.

      *after rounding off, at Tesco’s; with the pot containing One Touch Ultras (last year’s December price)

    • #7814
      Cecile
      Participant

      Haemoglobin are told many sweet sins
      by bikini’d babes* with sugary skins.
      Although at home he stays mum,
      1 nurse later, he’ll become
      confessing about their smooth, hairy shins.

      *hydrophyllic glucose

    • #7815
      Cecile
      Participant

      High blood glucose will cause
      You to crave gallons of sauce:
      Pepsis and Vimtos,
      Eggnogs in big pos
      Run in ’til you piss like a horse.

    • #7816
      Cecile
      Participant

      Hypoglycaemia’s a given when
      You’re given an insulin pen.
      Pencil that guides
      Or Tipp-Ex that hides
      Scoot off as soon as that ink’s in.

    • #7817
      Cecile
      Participant

      Type Twos without shoes
      Endanger their toes…
      Leaving their digs,
      Out to get cigs:
      Zip up, or a foot they might lose.

    • #7818
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      my BGs are metric’ly measured in
      minute female bits of gangster’s kin.
      over the pond
      lasses respond
      /Like ladies of bounty: one’s like eighteen!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    • #7819
      Cecile
      Participant

      Carbohydrates can be counted
      As long as your measures aren’t rounded:
      Restrain your sup’s
      Beer muggic cups
      Strictly, or your feet may be found dead.

    • #7820
      Cecile
      Participant

      Crustaceans are much trickier:
      Resort to technologic’ gear.
      A scale that totes
      Bazillion notes
      Should satisfy a picky ea’r*.

      *eater

    • #7821
      Cecile
      Participant

      Basal seems flat as a manta…
      At times, though, it should look like Santa:
      Sunrise, you’ll need
      A trifle more feed;
      Later, before it’s early, make it scanter.

    • #7822
      Cecile
      Participant

      Before you eat some pasta,
      On board have stuff that’s faster.
      Long-distance Lantus
      Unwillingly canters…
      Shoot up a bit of Boltish Rasta.

    • #7823
      Cecile
      Participant

      Because it has nice, fatty jelly,
      Elect to inject in your belly.
      Legs lag behind;
      Lazy bum’s blind:
      Your stomach’s the place for the melee.

    • #7824
      Cecile
      Participant

      Bloody bovine udder
      Licked clean – it makes me shudder!
      Onwards it goes:
      Our @alison‘s cows
      Drop blood to fill and flood her…

    • #7825
      Cecile
      Participant

      A handful of singles
      Should save your toes’ tingles.
      Heave you a five
      Every mo you’re alive:
      Smear fielders, Vaseline Girls*!

      *A troupe of overalled ladies armed with jars of petroleum jelly & brushes, who’ll ensure that not just the slips’ paws are slippery…oh, and they’re usually referred to as the Balmy Army :)

    • #7826
      Cecile
      Participant

      To tow your car – unable?
      Use pump’s tube as cable.
      Because of stretch,
      Expect to fetch
      Spools of stringy hose to fill*.

      *’cause “prime” doesn’t rhyme

    • #7827
      Cecile
      Participant

      Pumps are terrestrial creatures
      Used to keep “dry”*, ‘stead of leeches.
      Must you dive in a pool?
      Put pump on a stool:
      Swimming’s not one of its features.

      *not urinating excessively

    • #7828
      Cecile
      Participant

      Now that the year’s as blunt as a lancet
      Employed all annum as burrowing blood-get,
      Whip out that snickersnee’s
      Ung over dull piece:
      New Year’s the time to be sharp as a pinhead.

    • #7844
      Cecile
      Participant

      You* can die a bee-teasing:
      Sweet stings cause decreasing
      Food & air gains
      From tiny tot veins…
      Buzz off, honeyed squeezing!

      *especially retinas & kidneys & nerves

    • #7848
      Cecile
      Participant

      Though trifles sound tiny as mice,
      They can make your blood glucose rise.
      Once the cream on the top
      Ends sweetness’s stop,
      For the PP*, there’s verminous highs.

      *Penned or Pumped Piper

    • #7863
      Cecile
      Participant

      If feeling a bit saltcellary
      And assaultive towards the jellery,
      It’s easy to know
      Your BG is low:
      Eggs’ll give it wings, says @bellebe .

    • #7875
      Cecile
      Participant

      Terry’s laid hands on a Walkman*
      That as limbs go, has far less than…
      It’s got a cassette
      For hits of lancet –
      If it wasn’t so heavy, it could cancan.

      *rhyming crimes already committed when Wikipedia informed me that Sony marketed it as a “Stowaway” in the UK

    • #7907
      Cecile
      Participant

      Polymermaidens put milk in
      To make sensors smooth & silken.
      If you turn up your nose
      For their fishy lactose,
      Rather dip your REAL-Times in the grease tin.

    • #7936
      Cecile
      Participant

      Passive-aggressive diabetics
      Lancetless do their finger pricks:
      As their hides stay shut
      And they get no blood,
      They prong them with some pointed sticks.

    • #7968
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic mewled: “I feel low!”,
      So was sent to the shrink, Dr. Dough.
      “Slurp pink spaghetti
      While your foot’s feeling heady –
      Your psyche will rise ’til your right toe.”

    • #8087
      Cecile
      Participant

      Those noisome Metformin pills
      Can sensitize Type 2 ills,
      But the reek they exude
      Is not very good:
      Like something endowed with gills.

    • #8090
      Cecile
      Participant

      Get you a mammary harness:
      A bra for both sexes garners
      A place for your pump…
      If your bosom is plump,
      Make sure that its valley* quite large is.

      *cross your heart

    • #8092
      Cecile
      Participant

      Glucose can now make you glow,
      So if your power supply’s so-so,
      Just swallow sweet sop –
      In a blink, you’ll light up
      And bedazzle your gloomy chateau.

    • #8096
      Cecile
      Participant

      If pump pouch needs a tummy tuck
      After years of bearing all that muck,
      It might droop in lavvy
      ‘Cause its load’s so heavy:
      Some nip&tuck…and it’s out of kak!

    • #8097
      Cecile
      Participant

      Our diabetic evolution
      Brought Panky’s execution,
      ‘Stead of body bags
      For pump and fags:
      “0h, my kingdom for a roo bin…”

      This footnote has nothing to do with the above – it just lifts its feet for the sake of the double Nelson :)

    • #8098
      Cecile
      Participant

      When Panky’s Bs are cranky,
      You wouldn’t need a hankie*:
      Hypodermic impalement
      Of skin for this ailment
      Will stop sweet spills of rank pee.

      *though you could use it to dab at digital wounds (if you’re not vampiric)

    • #8132
      Cecile
      Participant

      Should your raiment get soppily wet
      When you hypo and start spouting sweat,
      Ask Marilyn Monroe
      Where she got that airflow:
      It’ll blow you as dry as crispbread.

    • #8144
      Cecile
      Participant

      Thanks to @lizz‘s and @stephen‘s mention of lipohypertrophy of injection sites, my lady’s are up for expansion:

      A lady shot up in her bosom
      To enlarge her chest-dwelling twosome:
      “If my feet I can’t see,
      Less worries for me –
      I never would know if I lose ’em…”

    • #8173
      Cecile
      Participant

      Hip Hamlets of your pancreas
      Soliloquize, while Ts harass:
      “To beta – or not?
      There’s always a shot,
      Or pumps by Medtronic and Animas.”

    • #8191
      Cecile
      Participant

      @teloz needs a new ‘ron –
      His are off, with few on.
      Now willy’s nilly
      And feet feel chilli:
      Rewire Juan to cure Don.

    • #8241
      Cecile
      Participant

      As pirate’s Medic Alert,
      The parrot’s an excellent bird:
      “I’m a poly-!” it screeches,
      “Eat, drink, wet breeches!”
      I’ll give a leg for a thing so absurd…

    • #8250
      Cecile
      Participant

      Today*, Tim should shove down his
      Thirty four birthday brownies
      With relative ease:
      He just needs to squeeze
      His pump on its “Drown” piece.

      *19/02/11

    • #8282
      Cecile
      Participant

      A Type 2 got rid of some weight,
      Raffling off his feet at a fete.
      “The beard I’ll retain:
      My chinny chow mein
      Does cover my mouth like a gate.”

    • #8287
      Cecile
      Participant

      If elephant or if orange,
      Use a long one – perhaps a four inch
      To get insulin
      Through your ???????* skin:
      Hush, it sounds too foreign…sh!

      *Drat BuddyPress! Supposed to be Cyrillic characters that denote “thick” in Russian

    • #8291
      Cecile
      Participant

      Always being decked out in furs
      Prods your absorption with spurs.
      If your wardrobe is bare
      Of clothes blessed with hair,
      Carry hot dogs in your purse.

    • #8295
      Cecile
      Participant

      To keep your BG in line
      And stop that sugarbird flyin’,
      Tip a table that Trotts –
      With no fast, sweet shots
      As quick as Kevin O’Brien.

    • #8312
      Cecile
      Participant

      @tim bans us from Activity:
      Such bustling will cause low BG…
      We big rhyming horde
      Can perhaps be restored,
      But he’ll be left with no sweetie.

    • #8313
      Cecile
      Participant

      A buffalo sat on her Cozmo:
      It’s now as dead as a dodo.
      She’s just had it gilt
      And bought it a quilt,
      No matter it’s going to cost dough.

    • #8336
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      There once was a diabetic call Chris
      Who was quite bad and had sugary P***
      He never tested
      The doctor requested
      But he wont cause he is a lazy S***

      Sorry for the swearing but i literally couldnt think of anything else that rhymed!

    • #8339
      Cecile
      Participant

      After your betas’ failure,
      Tons of paraphernalia
      Can usurp your abode:
      Arrest that whole load
      And ship it to Australia.

    • #8340
      Cecile
      Participant

      A nosy hound named Lola
      Can smell when you go polar.
      A dip down south?
      Her trusty mouth
      Will bay: “You need some Cola!”.

    • #8341
      Cecile
      Participant

      To help you when you’re hyper,
      Make use of Cleo, the viper:
      She’ll nip you when
      You go past 10 –
      You wouldn’t need a diaper.

    • #8344
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you’re a travelling meter
      Who longs to snooze by the heater,
      This sleeping bag could
      Be worn like suit,
      And make your life much sweeter.

    • #8359
      Cecile
      Participant

      When Queen Liz’s toes do rot
      ‘Cause her BG’s far from naught,
      Her corgis could chew
      Them off if they’re blue:
      The NHS will save a lot.

    • #8395
      Cecile
      Participant

      Are you a capricious tart
      Who’s breaking her needle’s heart?
      I’m not one-night standish:
      I promise, I brandish
      My sharps ’til depth* us do part.

      *when their 8mm (or less, for lancets) are worn to the nib ;)

    • #8396
      Cecile
      Participant

      To pump, you’ll pay top dollar:
      Your neck will need white collar
      To afford this machine…
      If your purse is quite lean,
      Look here to shout and holler.

    • #8399
      Cecile
      Participant

      In order for @tim to be hugged,
      Use Humalog to get him drugged:
      While out cold & low,
      Squeeze him like dough…
      Wear earplugs – he might just eruct*.

      *caused by beer-o’clock

    • #8404
      Cecile
      Participant

      There’s lots of less- and lottery
      When you are blessed with honeyed pee…
      Twixt o-point-six
      And thirty thrix,
      What’s odds of on-the-dot BG?

    • #8432
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you are a CGMployer
      Who snoops on your glucose seesawyer,
      How could you besquint
      Such sweet innocent?
      You prying & intrusive voyeur!

    • #8442
      Cecile
      Participant

      You always should Chek your Accpet:
      It capably can wet the bed
      With ruby red gore
      It sucks from your fore-
      Finger, or thumb, says @annette .

    • #8443
      Cecile
      Participant

      I’m bound for blood sugar acme
      If I with pancakes should pack me
      And refrain to inject
      The stuff I’ll expect
      To ack-ack the carbs that attack me.

    • #8446
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      At a frightening one point three
      She was sweating and shivery
      But pancakes and syrup
      Brought her sugar way up
      And now she’s a hyper lady

    • #8488
      Cecile
      Participant

      If CGM gets laryngitis
      And can’t scream when your BG slight is,
      A drop of blue Bols
      Might restore its loud calls
      By cooling those vocal cord blighters…

    • #8489
      Cecile
      Participant

      These lines belong to one of @teloz ‘s imaginary PumpPets:

      My nightie I’ve toodle-oo kissed:
      Henceforth, I shall be a gnudist…
      Though I’ll keep on my hose
      To deliver that dose,
      And stop me becoming too pissed*.

      *polyuric

    • #8492
      Cecile
      Participant

      Shoot Up’s now got molars:
      It’s time for us to go @lizz
      And worship our hosts
      With honey-sweet posts…
      JUST REMEMBER, YOU MUST BOLUS!*

      *for @mustard ‘s sake, a bit of shouting :)

    • #8501
      Cecile
      Participant

      Use calculating wizard
      When stuffing stuff in gizzard…
      No matter you’re dumb –
      Let pump do the sum:
      Knowing what dose is his art.

    • #8509
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic stunner
      Can’t get rats to shun her.
      That murine lot
      Gives her the NOD:
      Her Cozmouse…always on her.

    • #8521
      Cecile
      Participant

      For diabetic bondage,
      Use tubing to make fond hitch –
      But first be assured
      That pump can be moored:
      “With strings my Pod is non-rich.”

    • #8543
      Cecile
      Participant

      “Doctor, my ‘bedes is briddle –
      Daylong, an up & down fiddle!”
      “Forsake your rebounder:
      No more you’ll flounder…
      Get off, and stay in the middle.”

    • #8545
      Cecile
      Participant

      There was a Scottish farmer
      Who also was embalmer:
      “My glaur-covered palms
      Will sully my balms –
      This’ll make corpses feel calmer.”

    • #8566
      Cecile
      Participant

      When modelling stuff that is haute,
      Damned is the digit with spot…
      Though if I was Doulton,
      And selling a salt tin,
      I’d pay tons for @tim‘s pepper pot.

    • #8571
      Cecile
      Participant

      Diabetic treacle bender?
      You might need Thing to lend a
      Hand while you twist
      Those sweets in your fist:
      His BG’s* always slender.

      *guaranteed to be only a handful (5), and he usually has lots of blood on hand, especially if he’s just cleaned this bed

    • #8573
      Cecile
      Participant

      Pumpers are such idiots,
      Getting bummed by many bits…
      Perhaps pens might restore
      Their heads’ IQ score:
      We “writers” are all brainy twits ;)

    • #8597
      Cecile
      Participant

      If they’re not restrained by cups,
      BGs, like bollocks and bubs,
      Will leap quite far
      Sans jockstrap and bra:
      Capture those hills with von Trapps.

    • #8618
      Cecile
      Participant

      As far as ‘betic terroir goes,
      Plant your vines in dead flat rows
      To stop your bouquet
      Smell like acetone spray:
      Give peaks & troughs a good bulldoze.

    • #8620
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      @ckoei‘s* tireless it seems,
      Writing ludicrous limericks in reams.
      She never will rest,
      She’s one of the best,
      She’s writing them all in her dreams!

      *Pronounce as “At-seekie” to make the rhyme scan.

    • #8624
      Cecile
      Participant

      The hypoglycaemic Ckoei
      Is always nibbling chop suey
      Without any rice
      To halt all those highs:
      Her BGs quite often are two-y

    • #8626
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic clavier
      Will be in need of savvy ear:
      Its illness disposes
      To highs and to lowses,
      Making middle Cs hard to hear.

    • #8627
      Cecile
      Participant

      For just in case, a bag’s the theng,
      With spares and sweets, the whole shebeng…
      Your lord Baden-Powell
      Approves such bestowal:
      You’ll be prepared for Mafikeng.

    • #8628
      Cecile
      Participant

      @alison now is VeO
      As pumps (and not as years) go.
      Hope that her brandy
      Goes down real dandy…
      Does sound hung over to me, though 😆

    • #8629
      Cecile
      Participant

      When you are naming our species,
      Look at our pee, not our faeces…
      It better be honey
      To be on the money:
      Put it in hive and say “Bees, seize!”

    • #8630
      Cecile
      Participant

      How much subcut stuff is on board?
      There might be a fast-acting horde
      Down in the hold,
      About to make bold
      Mutinsuliny ’til you’re shored.

    • #8635
      Cecile
      Participant

      You’ll have an insulin stash
      In giving your bangers* a mash:
      Enough for a Pygmy…
      Though if you’re a big me,
      You also should squeeze your kolbász.

      *just for this limerick’s sake, assume that sausages contain porcine pancreas ;)

    • #8636
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      You really are stretching a point,
      Thinking insulin’s held in a joint
      Of pulverised pig
      That ain’t very big,
      Or sausages simply conjoint.

    • #8638
      Cecile
      Participant

      There goes my Actrapid sausage…
      Where shall I find suchlike sauce which
      Costs less than those packs
      Of porcine knick-knacks?
      Better fly off, dear pet ostrich!

    • #8640
      Cecile
      Participant

      A bride, with her pump on her garter
      And fruit pastilled blooms – don’t you <3 her?
      She cried with dismay
      As she tossed them away:
      “Quite soon, I’ll be glycaemic martyr!”

    • #8641
      Hairy Gnome
      Participant

      A lecherous old gnome sits and cries,
      He weeps, and he wails, and he sighs.
      He knows it’s a sin
      To stick pen needles in
      The flesh of a tender bride’s thighs. 😆

    • #8642
      Cecile
      Participant

      While Kate can dump trained gown in bag,
      The ‘betes is always a drag…
      We can’t just ask Harry
      This damn thing to carry:
      We’re fettered, like Terry to fag.

    • #8643
      Cecile
      Participant

      When choosing the one you’ll wed,
      Give ;

    • #8646
      Cecile
      Participant

      A basal alarm’s like a baby –
      With wauling it’ll both night and day be
      Getting you stressed:
      By giving it breast,
      You might get it hushed up…well, maybe.

    • #8657
      Cecile
      Participant

      The Cozmopolitan lizz
      Is always very busy
      Jumping around
      Her trusted home ground:
      “Elsewhere, I’m in a tizzy.”

    • #8660
      Cecile
      Participant

      A nasty ophthalmo imposter
      Got hold of the poor Earl of Gloucester:
      “Your eyes I’ll take, fellow –
      Their yolks* are all yellow
      And wife whines ’cause eggs so much cost her.”

      *caused by oedematic maculae, with “hard yellow exudates”

    • #8663
      Cecile
      Participant

      In case there is a cure
      And your betas do endure,
      Should these tedious poems
      ‘Bout sweet pee syndromes
      Be flushed into the sewer?*

      *rhetorical question, please

    • #8665
      Cecile
      Participant

      Your soul will bathe in black pools
      If blood’s full of treacly pack mules.
      Get rid of that toffeed
      Asinine horse breed
      By nipping off all of jack’s jewels.

    • #8671
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you find your pen a bit thick,
      And yearn for an object more sleek,
      Feed it to a dachshund
      Whose sphincters are not ruined:
      You’ll have to put up with some reek.

    • #8674
      Cecile
      Participant

      Nig, while Munching dried peaches
      Does cry: “Life sure a bitch is!
      These fruits seem so small,
      But carb-wise, they’re tall:
      Avaunt, ye sly BG* riches!”

      *in this case, it can be both blood glucose & bowel gas (thanks to the preservative, sulphur dioxide)

    • #8675
      Cecile
      Participant

      To hit a ‘betic birdie
      Your game should be quite sturdy:
      An eagle might mean
      Your BG’s too lean…
      Score par to halt jeopardy.

    • #8676
      Cecile
      Participant

      This one has to be read with a “lithp”:

      You’ll AGE quite fast when dancing
      The two-step with that prancing
      Thug, Amadori…
      This sorry love story
      Will make your health a gone thing.

    • #8679
      Cecile
      Participant

      Those bloody greedy millimoles
      Consumed potato casseroles.
      Now meter says “HI”:
      With traps you could try
      To keep them from your fingerholes.

    • #8680
      Cecile
      Participant

      An oedematic macula
      Was sucked dry by Count Dracula.
      Says maiden, whose peeper
      Is no longer seeper:
      “This vamp-eye looks spectacular!”

    • #8681
      Cecile
      Participant

      While bumbling ’bout the mall,
      Your BG’s bound to fall…
      When it nearly two is,
      Beware of John Lewis:
      Aim here when you do sprawl.

    • #8689
      Cecile
      Participant

      You perhaps should put your date
      On scales to check its weight:
      Too much of such fruits
      Might empty your boots
      And leave you with blind pate.

    • #8695
      Cecile
      Participant

      A bovine beast, whose calves
      Cried “Cramps! Smear some smooth salves!”,
      Ignored them with sigh:
      “With glucose sky-high,
      We’re cut out for sweet Bovs.”

    • #8696
      Cecile
      Participant

      This illness, where betas withdrew,
      Can vertic’ly challenge us, too…
      Keep it short and sweet:
      Get rid of your feet,
      And dare not don platformal shoe.

    • #8699
      Cecile
      Participant

      An ever-so-peckish Type 1
      From sweetmeats could easily run,
      But kilos of cheese
      Have made her obese:
      She now needs a truck for her tonne.

    • #8700
      Cecile
      Participant

      The hypo Casanunda*
      Was tired of downwards wander.
      He tried to kiss
      A hyper Miss:
      “Her highness I shall plunder!”

      *the Discworldian dwarfish version of Casanova

    • #8701
      Cecile
      Participant

      Insulinic resistance
      In gnohms has great persistance:
      To give them enough
      Fast-acting stuff,
      Their pumps will need of these tins.

    • #8704
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you’ve got your business planned,
      Be sure of its meaty gland.
      For there to be cash,
      No sweet pee should splash…
      Make it on own Footsie(s) stand.

    • #8723
      Cecile
      Participant

      Buy pots of Super Glue
      To stick a Pod to you.
      If you beget
      Some streams of sweat,
      You’ll also need a screw.

    • #8735
      Cecile
      Participant

      Infusion sets are fickle,
      So check their saucy trickle…
      If it’s too wee,
      There’s high BG:
      Your tubing you should wiggle.

    • #8753
      Cecile
      Participant

      While basking in the glory
      Of its glycated story,
      An A1c
      That dropped to 3
      Got bonked by speeding lorry.

    • #8759
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic looker
      Could flash her boobs like hooker…
      Those sparkling signs
      Meant sweet declines:
      You shouldn’t have mistook her.

    • #8761
      Cecile
      Participant

      A pimp* said: “I need basal rates
      To pay for the beds of my maids.
      An upstanding bolus
      Is short and is soulless:
      My poor dears need rest when it late’s”.

      *compliments of @annette‘s lovely mobile typing :D

    • #8765
      Cecile
      Participant

      When ‘betes was still juvenile,
      It daily suckled at a phial.
      It’s now gone to school
      Where it makes pens drool
      Some lines ’bout its unbeta’d isle.

    • #8774
      Cecile
      Participant

      To stop your pen’s hot flushes
      And keep it young and luscious,
      Stick it in dondurma:
      It’s always much firmer
      Than stuff that melts and slush is.

    • #8779
      Cecile
      Participant

      Should your forehead be tattooed
      ‘Cause your betas are kaput,
      A loud brass bell
      This fact can tell
      If all’s hidden ‘hind that hood.

    • #8791
      Cecile
      Participant

      It’s quite a big challenge to get
      Your food and fast stuff to duet.
      If just one should solo,
      You both high and low go:
      When eating, play fife and trumpet.

    • #8794
      Cecile
      Participant

      Eschew the roads of Lothian:
      To hypos they’re custodian.
      The Midlands are best,
      While Highlands are blessed
      With lots of lochs to stow pee in.

    • #8796
      Cecile
      Participant

      “A true tasteful girl with Type 1
      Should not flaunt her flavour, my son:
      Her highs and her lows,
      Her rank rotten toes
      Polite conversation should shun.”*

      *expressing opinion of recently terrestrial creature from the Devonian era

    • #8799
      Cecile
      Participant

      Make sure that your washing machine
      Can deal with a bloody cuisine
      Of molten pastilles
      And fingerprick spills
      If you’re a Type 1 that keeps clean.

    • #8805
      Cecile
      Participant

      A thrifty ‘betic vicar
      Reused his finger pricker:
      “Its drums aren’t cheap –
      I’d rather keep
      My cash…and buy some liquor*.”

      *or cigarettes, if you’re @teloz ;)

    • #8815
      Cecile
      Participant

      A fine bar called “The Banting Arms
      Is always bound to line all palms
      With Diet Coke
      That tastes of oak:
      “It’s lo-cal, milked from stringy marms”.

    • #8823
      Cecile
      Participant

      An overindulgent Type Two
      Ingested too much fatty stew:
      “Good gracious, my paunch is
      Now bigger than haunches –
      I thought I was ram…am I ewe?”

    • #8833
      Cecile
      Participant

      There can’t be things much scarier
      Than sniffers of the derrière:
      Smell pabulum
      Along with bum
      If you’re a pumping terrier.

    • #8851
      Cecile
      Participant

      By means of a wishing machine
      It’s easy to stop your sweet pee’n…
      Just let Zoltar speak:
      Your “must-take-a-leak”
      Will no longer need a latrine.

    • #8870
      Cecile
      Participant

      A game of pump Monopoly
      Does always end quite sloppily.
      Because “good buy”
      Sounds like “goodbye”,
      Infusion becomes wobbly.

    • #8881
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic Nazi
      Prevented mixing parts…he
      Let no foreign
      Fluids pour in:
      His foot you’ll in this shot see.

    • #8888
      Cecile
      Participant

      When visiting a restaurant,
      Make sure you’ve got a breast implant*
      Of functional betas
      That guarantees eaters
      A steady stream to bear the brunt.

      *a new Medtronic device, the Mamma Mio, consisting of a Mamma (breast pump) and a Mio (infusion set)…now how’s that for paying tribute to 2 of Shoot Up’s pet obsessions? ;)

    • #8889
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diaMacbethic lady
      Found her bloody hands too weighty:
      She milked them bone dry,
      Their gore used as dye
      To pep up this bag by Katie.

    • #8892
      Cecile
      Participant

      To hack a pump, get ready
      And sharpen your machete…
      With some sure strokes
      And well-aimed pokes,
      You’ll cleave it like spaghetti.

    • #8901
      Cecile
      Participant

      Make sure your tum’s a washboard
      If subcut stuff’s to be poured.
      Check that it’s not
      A plump, soft cot
      That slowed down sauce ’til it snored.

    • #8911
      Cecile
      Participant

      If with a pump you snoozed
      ‘Cause with it banns you’ve used,
      Put your dear beau
      Into pillow,
      Or else you might get bruised.

    • #8916
      Cecile
      Participant

      By means of Diabete-o-Tron,
      All bother in a flash be gone…
      It won’t help to bolt:
      Its AI* assault
      Will knock you back like tea and scone.

      *Artificial Intelligence, that hopefully doesn’t turn AutoImmune

    • #8941
      Cecile
      Participant

      When eating bags of naartjies,
      You perhaps should chew some hard cheese:
      A lump of such
      Has fat that clutch
      And never utters carb gees.

    • #8946
      Cecile
      Participant

      This poem has got a complaint:
      Its _etas now _asically ain’t…
      So take of its “p
      And tip it…you’ll see
      A substitute that’s just as quaint.

    • #8969
      Cecile
      Participant

      Just hope that your partner’s invisible
      When you are in need of a fruit pastille,
      Else the DVLA
      You of licence might spay:
      Which leaves you sedan chair or bicycle.

    • #8979
      Cecile
      Participant

      The shape of your waves should portray
      Which foodstuffs you daily foray:
      A syrupy sarmie
      Will need a tsunami;
      Slight swell’s good for rhubarb sorbet.

    • #8987
      Cecile
      Participant

      A driver, whose glucose did dip,
      Is now in command of a ship:
      “What spruce submarine –
      It always stays clean…
      If only its fish came with chip.”

    • #9002
      Cecile
      Participant

      Your DUK does eDUKate
      By telling you to lose some…wait:
      Don’t have lots to byte,
      You will lose your site
      If you’ve bitten more than 8.

    • #9024
      Cecile
      Participant

      If you’ve had a close-to-nil low,
      You’ll be left with sodden pillow:
      To banish its sweat,
      Just bake it like bread
      ‘Til it’s toasted armadillo.

    • #9030
      Cecile
      Participant

      “Hey – lewd, licentious twerp!
      Your tubing you should curb…
      If you expose
      That dangling hose,
      You’ll puritans perturb.”

    • #9038
      Cecile
      Participant

      When islets Bees do demote,
      You’ll find a willing scapegoat
      In the PPS:
      “We gladly confess
      To not providing lifeboat.”

    • #9069
      Cecile
      Participant

      Does blood sugar play baritone?
      Chew pastilles to lift low-pitched groan,
      Until it becomes
      A tenor…those gums
      Should then in cuspidor be thrown.

    • #9126
      Cecile
      Participant

      A rhino always wrongly chose
      An alcohol swab to blow its nose…
      So shun boozy hankie:
      Your sites won’t go manky
      And horned to entice poaching foes.

    • #9131
      Cecile
      Participant

      There’s nothing so delicious
      As lovely low-carb dishes:
      You need the min.
      Of porce-lin
      When tucking in clay quiches.

    • #9154
      Cecile
      Participant

      A diabetic Android
      Became quite cross & annoyed:
      “You’ll need to shoot
      Up for such fruit
      ‘Til purse is left bare and void.”

    • #9168
      Cecile
      Participant

      Adrenals will awaken
      If you eat too much bacon
      Make sure your bites
      Are sans nitrites
      For safe, swinetic slakin’.

      @ladyupnorth, you are now obliged to try some bacon “sans nitrites” and inform us via limerick of what happened.

    • #9365
      Cecile
      Participant

      This day*, in 1922,
      A shot stopped Thompson’s trip to loo…
      That bovine slug
      Is now old drug:
      At present, we milk GM gnu.

      *11/01/12

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