Diabetes limericks

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This topic contains 327 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by  Cecile 6 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #5954

    Tim
    Keymaster

    Limericks = highest of all the artforms; thus (please, please join in with your own):

  • #7099

    Tim
    Keymaster

    There was a young man with a blog
    Whose insulin was analogue
    It’s not so strange
    It’s hardly deranged
    It’s just simply humalog

  • #7097

    Tim
    Keymaster

    There was a young man from Brunei
    Whose friends would look at him awry
    It’s not an affection
    I must do my injection
    It’s insulin and if I don’t I will die

  • #7098

    Tim
    Keymaster

    There was a young man with diabetes
    Who despite his many entreaties
    Asked for a pump
    Was told to take a running jump
    He then took it up with his health board and local MP to little avail.

  • #7100

    Anonymous

    @tim Perhaps a new Video Blog episode??

  • #7101

    Cecile
    Participant

    In order to stay diabeteless,
    You should keep your urine melitless.
    Shoot up day and night,
    Give your test strips a sight
    Or your frame will too soon become meatless.

  • #7102

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you wanted the idealised quantus
    Of your long-acting insulin Lantus:
    Hop onto the scale,
    Take note of its tale
    And quarter it all for your wantus.*

    *when reading aloud, pronounce -us as a lingering snaily -sss

  • #7103

    Tim
    Keymaster

    @ckoei – thought you would come up with some good ‘uns!

  • #7104

    Cecile
    Participant

    In Tim’s fridge, a bottle of onions
    Sets Annette a-drool into dustbins.
    Don’t let her shoot up
    With her spirited pump:
    Those sour bulbs cause gastric oblivions!

  • #7105

    Cecile
    Participant

    A Type 2 diabetic called Terry
    Even though hearthrugged & hairy,
    With no hair on his top
    His doses won’t stop
    Going up without end…it is scary. ;-O

  • #7108

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    @ckoei – Pmsl! I love it! :D

    A South African girl named Cecile
    Put out a global appeal,
    She just wanted to wheedle
    An insulin needle,
    That when stuck in she just wouldn’t feel.

  • #7109

    Annette A
    Participant

    There once was a lad from Dundee
    Who used MDI therapy
    For a pump he did ask
    Put his nurse to the task
    But she just said ‘We’ll just wait and see…’

    ‘We’ll put your name down on the list.’
    At this our young lad did get pissed.
    So he wrote loads of letters
    To his elders and betters
    But he might just as well have knit mist.

    So he waited, ’till cometh the day
    When the call came ‘We’re happy to say’
    Come November you’ll get
    What you haven’t had yet
    You pump finally is on its way!’

  • #7110

    Annette A
    Participant

    Said a young lass from Indian Queens
    Diagnosed in her quite early teens
    ‘On the bright side at least
    I can legally feast
    During schooltime on green jelly beans!’

  • #7111

    Annette A
    Participant

    Once a jab, then a pen, now a pump
    Once a pee test, now bloods – what a jump!
    But advances aside
    Highs and lows, far and wide
    Bring us all down to earth with a bump!

  • #7113

    Tim
    Keymaster

    He he! These are all excellent!

  • #7114

    Cecile
    Participant

    A lady shot up in her bosom,
    As her lap was beset by a possum:
    “It is always the best
    To pin corsage to chest,
    Or how else could you see that I blossom?”

  • #7115

    Anonymous

    Lol! These are great! Love ’em :)

    Just wish I had some skill with words :S

  • #7116

    Cecile
    Participant

    You really need little Apidra
    If you’re set on devouring a hydra.
    The same doesn’t go
    For a bundle of dough –
    Else your pee will be yum for Candida.

  • #7117

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    The black Accu-Chek Compact Plus
    Is almost as big as a bus,
    But it still sucks your blood,
    N’ gives the figures it should
    So I don’t see why @tim makes a fuss.

  • #7118

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Hyperglycaemia’s a bitch,
    Left too long it gives you the itch,
    Being hypo is worse
    It’s a terrible curse,
    ‘Coz you just might wake up in a ditch.

  • #7119

    Anonymous

    @teloz Love the last one Terry!! :)

  • #7121

    Cecile
    Participant

    If a needle snaps off in your skin,
    Just take a huge swig of gin.
    No need for a squeeze
    Or a pinch and a tweeze…
    There’ll be space in that overfull bin.

  • #7125

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    When your pancreas packs up it’s true
    Diabetes comes out of the blue.
    So it’s not such a sin
    Putting insulin in,
    For a pump though, you just have to queue.

  • #7127

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    I’m fed up of needles and pins,
    Of blood tests and big yellow bins,
    But it really don’t matter
    I’ve got even fatter,
    And I’m still a T2 for me sins!

  • #7128

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    I thought that the last Shoot Up poll
    Was quaint and a little bit droll
    But the answer to choose
    Was to top all T2s
    Now I daren’t even go for a stroll.

  • #7129

    Anonymous

    Wow these are great but I’m rather impressed with @teloz these last few are brilliant!

  • #7130

    Cecile
    Participant

    @teloz: Can’t say I pissed myself, ’cause I have aged parent’s TENAs at my disposal, but I’m still laughing :D (while also vomiting – I’m on hypo-heave sick leave, but go, go Collinguam!)

  • #7131

    Cecile
    Participant

    The USB Contour of Baery:
    A processes-itself little dairy –
    With its rennety ilk
    All your blood glucose milk
    Is transformed into cheese (and some sherry).

  • #7132

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Poor @ckoei is not very well
    She’s heaving her lungs up as well.
    Add the sad fact
    her urinary tract
    Is leaking, but no one can tell.

  • #7133

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Thanks everyone, but when you’re on a roll you just have to go with it! You may have noticed that I love limericks, but it’s hard to keep up with you @ckoei, you crack me up! :D

  • #7134

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    All diabetic fairies and gnomes
    Have lots of posh kit in their homes,
    With meters and pumps
    And garish sharps dumps,
    Plus instructions that come in big tomes.

  • #7136

    Cecile
    Participant

    When you’re low, with your head in the loo;
    Heaving up pint glasses of bitterish goo,
    You’re still writing prosy
    Second-rate bits of poesy
    All because of that lurking and leering Type Two…

  • #7137

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    While poor @ckoei is barfing her beer
    I find it incredibly queer
    That she still has the means
    To write limericks in reams
    ‘Cos she thinks that I’m having a leer.

    Us gnomes are much nicer than that
    Her back needs a rub and a pat.
    I’d help out if I could,
    As anyone would,
    But sadly I’m not where she’s at.

  • #7138

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Hmmmm… drifting off topic a bit now, but sod it, I’m having fun! My apologies to the Lord and Lady of the Blog. ;)

  • #7139

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    If it wasn’t for @alison and @tim
    I’d be out of this mess that I’m in.
    Driven by need
    To pen limerick screed
    With rhymes that at times are too thin.

  • #7140

    Annette A
    Participant

    While the tagline of Shoot-Up is droll
    Making humourless masses recoil
    @teloz gives wit
    @ckoei ‘s rhymes often fit
    So the rest of us can only LOL.

  • #7141

    Cecile
    Participant

    @annette: LOL (again)

    If diabetes brings blackest despair,
    Limerickan salvation is here:
    After green jelly Queens
    And Indian beans,
    A barfing bonanza will bring up some cheer :D

    Limericks might have some other medical significance: while lowing about quite a lot these last few days, I’ve noticed that when I’m going down, it becomes increasingly difficult to read the limericks rhythmically “right” (especially the lady with the bosom…) So if you don’t have CGM, keep these babies close at hand. And for hypers, you’ll have to start writing haikus :))

  • #7144

    Cecile
    Participant

    @teloz: What happened to “the dog’s danglies”? It still appears in “Activity”, but here on home ground, you seemed to have spayed it :(

  • #7145

    Cecile
    Participant

    As the world becomes misty and my magnifier seems cracked,
    Say salvete to “oxidation” and “binocular cataract”:
    They’ll suck it all out
    With a vacuuming snout,
    Then shove in some plastic…argh, my chin hairs are stacked!!!

  • #7147

    Cecile
    Participant

    Should they tickle my toes with a feather,
    I’ll “moo!” and pull at my tether…
    But the tuning fork’s ping
    Makes nothing go zing –
    So below I have ticklish & tone-deaf leather.

  • #7150

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    @ckoei – I don’t know what happened, I did delete one of my less salubrious efforts, but I didn’t mean to castrate the dog. He’s now fully recovered!

    An insulin pump is the best,
    The bugger is never at rest.
    With pretties and spanglies
    It’s just the dog’s danglies
    But of course, you still have to test.

  • #7158

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    I’ve a hole in my finger again
    And if I’ve got one I’ve got ten.
    Leaking blood by the litre
    To feed that damned meter,
    It gets very wearing y’ken!

  • #7162

    Cecile
    Participant

    @teloz: Oops, my bud-nipping terminology is a bit muddled…but with dog dangling along so merrily again, I hope that the bitch (called hyperglycaemia) is castrated! :)

  • #7166

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    A sexy young diabetic nurse
    Said, “I know that testing’s a curse,”
    But if you don’t test,
    Your heart will arrest
    And your last ride will be in a hearse!

  • #7167

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Metformin and Gliclazide
    Are distributed far and wide,
    To curb the blood glucose,
    And systemic sucrose,
    Of T2s on a slow downward slide.

    Please, can I stop now? My brain is inundated by limericks, it’s all your fault @tim! :P

  • #7168

    Cecile
    Participant

    Count Dracula* counts carbs
    When sinking his barbs
    Into that sweet, sickly treat
    Which is diabetic meat…
    Until a week passes, and he’s discarded as sharps.

    *CGM

  • #7170

    Cecile
    Participant

    My genial goblin called Haem
    Is always denied a sweet dream
    By that bent upon jinn,
    Penny Insulin,
    And her short & long-acting scheme.

  • #7171

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Ghaaaaaa! I’m sorry, I can’t help it!

    The neuropathy don’t really hurt
    Or the drops of blood on my shirt
    It’s the fact that my willy
    Is now very silly,
    It needs Cialis pills to get pert!

  • #7172

    Cecile
    Participant

    Talking of pricks,
    I use* Multiclix:
    Just a roll of its barrel
    And the old ones skedaddle;
    With settings for deep or the slightest of snicks.

    *Where “use” doesn’t imply self-gratification, though all of Accu-Chek’s repertoire resemble hobbit-dildos. My current favourite (as far as suggestive shape goes), is Bayer’s Ascencia Microlet – it looks like something you could shave your legs with, one hair at a time :D

  • #7173

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    You ladies just don’t know the half
    Erectile dysfunction’s no laugh
    In moments of passion
    Dipping into one’s ration
    Of pills that help stiffen the staff

  • #7177

    Tim
    Keymaster

    Are we going off topic here a touch Terry? ;-)

  • #7179

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    @tim – Well… sadly, it is diabetes related, diabetic neuropathy can be very cruel, and if my lewd little limericks can forewarn the younger men of the perils of poor control it would make me very happy. Let’s be honest, they’re only a tingey-whingey bit ribald.

    Now… can I find two words to rhyme with neuropathy… ;)

  • #7181

    Annette A
    Participant

    Retinopathy?
    Homeopathy?
    Allopathy?
    (And one maybe just made for @teloz) Erotopathy ;-)

  • #7182

    Cecile
    Participant

    Bureaucracy? (As uttered by a Discworldian Igor…and have your brolly at the ready :))

    When foot nerves to death go a-scurry
    It feels like your foot’s full of curry.
    But imipramine
    Will soothingly clean
    All feeling of fire in a hurry*.

    *Make that about 3 weeks. A few months later, the affected neurons will be as dead as doornails and as @teloz says, “neuropathy don’t really hurt”…but it does kill the albatross!

  • #7183

    Tim
    Keymaster

    Sorry Terry – I should have realised your limerick was a cautionary, salutary and somewhat chilling tale. You’re like the Ancient Mariner of the diabetes world! :-D

  • #7184

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic henswain called @charlie*
    Was sipping on Coke and malted barley
    When the size of her dram
    Made the boat capsize: “Damn!
    I should have one for weather and for lee.”

    *Shoot Up’s Middle(1/2 an Ancient @teloz) Aged Mariner, showing us the importance of being well balanced ;)

  • #7185

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    “Since then, at an uncertain hour,
    That agony returns;
    And till my ghastly tale is told,
    This heart within me burns.

    I pass, like night, from land to land;
    I have strange power of speech;
    That moment that his face I see,
    I know the man that must hear me:
    To him my tale I teach.”
    (The Rime of the Ancient Mariner; Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

    Damn that albatross; I can stand the smell, but the maggots drive me crazy!

  • #7186

    Tim
    Keymaster

    @teloz – he he he! :-D

  • #7187

    Anonymous

    It is an ancient diabetic
    And he stoppeth one in three
    ‘By thy cold grey toes and failing eyes,
    Have you a pump for me?’

    The doctor’s doors are opened wide
    He is the next one in,
    So down he sits, and then lets rip,
    Give me some insulin!

  • #7188

    Cecile
    Participant

    My Autoimmune-Team’s Mr. Ts
    Became mean to my pancreatic Bs:
    They were smashed & bashed
    And phagocytically stashed;
    For their graves, I got pots of sweet Ps.

  • #7189

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Toes that are lost to gangrene
    Are the nastiest thing that I’ve seen,
    But reduction in heat
    Kills the fungus on feet,
    So not all news is bad it would seem.

  • #7190

    Tim
    Keymaster

    @hils – very good!!

  • #7191

    Cecile
    Participant

    @teloz: Re “reduction in heat”,

    If a bride/groom’s feet has to be cold
    To keep all those microbes on hold,
    Diabetics can’t marry,
    In limbo they’ll tarry,
    Or give up a limb if they fold?

    (or they can wash their feet in a lukewarm & weak saline solution to bugger up infective single cells’ osmotic balance…and live happily&cosy-toed ever after :))

  • #7215

    Anonymous

    There was a diabetic named Tim
    Whose view of pump funding was dim
    They told him to wait
    His health left to fate
    But at least he’s got a cannula in!

  • #7218

    Tim
    Keymaster

    @charlie – he he he!

  • #7228

    Cecile
    Participant

    “As big as an egg” is the carby portion
    Long held as standard when stuffing starch in:
    But would this ovum be able to fit
    In the egg-pipe of ostrich or that of a tit…
    Or is it pushed out by some chicken contortion?

  • #7231

    Cecile
    Participant

    The stuff that we now use to bolus
    Is rather inclined to go solus.
    Where the oldies ring-a-rosied,
    The new ‘uns won’t be posied:
    They tiff and rush off to where a hole* is.

    *insulin receptor

  • #7232

    Cecile
    Participant

    Lingering Lantus piles into a scrum
    That loosens up daylong, to ruck, then to crumb;
    While the Levemir-bantling is best tucked away
    In the bosom of Al* for its 12-hourly stay…
    Though both “rugby” & “baby” are a pain** in the bum.

    *Albumin
    **Especially if injected straight from fridge

  • #7237

    Cecile
    Participant

    At dawn, glycaemic doors are thrown ajar –
    Out gallops enough glucose to make a Mars Bar.
    To herd it all in
    To pastures of green,
    You’ll need an insulin whip (and sugar lumps, if you go too far).

  • #7241

    Cecile
    Participant

    While watching the telly, and there’s two Doctors Whos –
    After not necessarily drinking litres of booze,
    One might rightly presume
    Without pricking a thumb,
    That one’s sweetness is TARDISing towards temperate twos…

  • #7259

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you yearn for an insulin Sten
    That resembles a transvestite peahen,
    Just nab a few feathers
    And glue them to leathers
    With which to dress up your old Autopen.

  • #7267

    Cecile
    Participant

    When you pump, you’re bound to get you tubed
    While asleep and your neck becomes belooped:
    To get out of that spot
    Of Gordian knot,
    Use a sword, but beware of having head cubed!

  • #7299

    Anonymous

    There was a young woman with high
    Blood sugars, and so she would die
    But with Medical Support
    And DAFNE self taught
    She might diabetes defy!!

  • #7300

    Tim
    Keymaster

    These get better! We should publish them in book form and donate the profits to a massive Shoot Up booze fund!

  • #7302

    Cecile
    Participant

    Shoot Up’s sottish, head snorting swign
    Plans to use us to buy Scottish whine!
    Please cook up his trotters
    With fried green tomotters,
    ‘Cause choccies&cheese are much more divyne…

  • #7306

    Anonymous

    There was a young lady, Cecile,
    Who carb counted before every meal
    Despite insulin flowing
    She knew where her blood sugars were going
    Thanks to Tim, and his ContourUSB deal!!

  • #7308

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Shoot Up’s a wonderful blog
    It tries to cut through the fog;
    It has members who’re numerous,
    Articles that are humorous,
    And a mod who’s a diabetic dog.

  • #7310

    Tim
    Keymaster

    @teloz – he he! I like that one!

  • #7352

    Cecile
    Participant

    A self-suckling*, parched diabetic
    Can be salted and dished up as fesikh:
    When ground to a paste,
    What glorious taste
    Is that sweet-saline, sure-fire emetic**!

    *All those fingertipsy bloodhounds among us
    **Guaranteed to get rid of sugar (and everything else)

  • #7429

    Cecile
    Participant

    The pancreatic god SusAnthony*
    Got split into 2 below the knee:
    While Su sugars on,
    Ant’s footing has gone,
    So it’s better to worship our BrownFinney.

    *For the sake of Calvinistic monotheism & limerickan rhythm, Susan (Sugar upping sauce after nilpermouth/glucagon) and Anthony (Anti-honey/insulin) had to be fused… and stuff somatostatin!

  • #7434

    Cecile
    Participant

    A giraffe gave a covetous sigh,
    ’cause its blood glucose was always high:
    “Being a gnome
    (or a miniature poem),
    You’ll be low even if you eat pie*…”

    *specifically, apple turnovers

  • #7435

    Alison
    Keymaster

    Wow, I am in awe of so many literary masterpieces. It seems that all the energy saved by not producing any insulin has been diverted to the creative genius part of your brains. I never dreamt you could shoehorn diabetes into quite so many limericks!

  • #7441

    Cecile
    Participant

    @alison: You still owe us at least 27 – all Shoot Up members are obliged to write as many limericks/haiku(s) as years since they’ve been diagnosed (and those who’ve had it for less than 20 yrs are bound by their genetic propensity to go back to their conception…so one poem will only have to be 9/12 or 3/4 of a full one :D)

  • #7442

    Alison
    Keymaster

    @ckoei So not only do I have to have an annual eye/foot/kidney/blood pressure/everything else check, I now need to add limerick composition to the list? These diabetes complications are getting out of control!

  • #7448

    Cecile
    Participant

    @alison: If you want to complain, do it in rhyme (AABBA). And to placate Shoot Up’s bisexual pancreatic god(s) Susan & Anthony/BrownFinney, your (and everyone else’s) tally has just gone up to 32 (after adding Tim’s few drops)…she she she, thank goodness I’ve got limerickpathy ;)

  • #7449

    Alison
    Keymaster

    I thought having diabetes wasn’t too bad
    Until @ckoei made me so sad
    If bad eyes and kidneys weren’t complications enough
    I now find there’s even more stuff
    Like writing enough damn limericks to drive you mad

  • #7452

    Cecile
    Participant

    Hurrah! She’s off! (you’ll have to bash your own bow with a champagne bottle)…31 to go – and no one’s yet mentioned Fruit Pastilles (or the dangers of Chinese dumplings) :)

  • #7453

    Alison
    Keymaster

    Some say that Rowntrees Fruit Pastilles
    Are the cure to all of life’s ills
    When your brain’s full of typos
    And you know that you’re hypo
    It’s time to reach for those sugar-rush pills

  • #7454

    Annette A
    Participant

    Okay, it’s not a limerick, but…
    ODE TO A NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETIC
    When your numbers keep on climbing
    And your thirst wont go away
    If your vision goes all blurry
    Then you’re hyper on that day.
    If you feel a little shaky
    Once your levels start to drop
    If your brain won’t think in straight lines
    Glucose will, the hypo, stop.
    Once your HBAs are stable
    At a number close to 6
    When your post meals levels hover
    Close to 8, you’ve found the fix!
    When your food intake and dosage
    Of the insulin you need
    Have been tested, checked and sorted
    You’re in charge – you take the lead!
    Soon you’ll know as much as they do
    If you do your research well
    Your control will be in your hands
    – go and give those ‘experts’ hell!

  • #7461

    Cecile
    Participant

    For when you’re hypo, and prone to cussing
    Add some FPs to your washing.
    Then drink that effluent, slimy jelly
    (Thanks to soap, it isn’t smelly):
    It’ll smack your gob and stop ears blushing…

  • #7467

    Cecile
    Participant

    As genetic hairdos get shaped in the womb,
    Some HLA-genes are missed by the comb.
    Sooner or later,
    You’re a self-protein hater,
    And the gel ignites (of the Type 1 bomb).

  • #7478

    Cecile
    Participant

    The day Immune System starts driving a car,
    Some glandular bits* will get smacked to the tar.
    You’d think the DVLA
    Would have something to say,
    Yet the IS is immune – it’s really bizarre!

    *in the case of organ-specific autoimmunity (like T1 diabetes)

  • #7519

    Cecile
    Participant

    In the Martian city of L’Aventis,
    You can perambulate with holey panties
    And Lantus your bum…
    But Apidra your tum
    For those Mars bars’ feasts of plenties.

  • #7522

    Cecile
    Participant

    A sili nun named Su-Lin In
    Committed such a luni sin:
    She flirted with some antibodies,
    Let them in where only God is.
    This sin has done you in*, Su-Lin…

    *Have mercy! Poor thing was set on the road of debauchery after her beta-cell convent was invaded & destroyed by a mob of autoreactive T-cells :(

  • #7523

    Stephen
    Participant

    @ckoei some of these make my head hurt :)

  • #7524

    Cecile
    Participant

    Engelbert makes my head hurt
    Sitting there against Tim’s shirt,
    In summer’s heat…
    Rip off that tweed:
    Don tank top and a miniskirt!

  • #7525

    Tim
    Keymaster

    @ckoei – Pfft!

  • #7530

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    @ckoei‘s a very nice girl
    But her mind is all in a whirl.
    Writing Limericks galore
    She could be a bore,
    But instead she’s a poetic pearl

  • #7539

    Cecile
    Participant

    After pinpointy piercing by Singer,
    Your clothes think: “In safety we linger”,
    But what have we here…
    An insulin spear?
    You merciless mercery stinger!

  • #7544

    Cecile
    Participant

    And specially for @katie,

    Being stabbed by a needling Bernina,
    For your garb is just a beginner:
    If you inject through your clothes,
    You add to their woes –
    To textiles you cannot be meaner.

  • #7546

    Cecile
    Participant

    You’re likely to go hypo at Morecambe:
    Potted shrimps haven’t got much carbs on ’em.
    For a taste of what’s rich,
    Plunge into Blackpoolish pitch –
    A dip in that treacle will score some.

  • #7559

    Cecile
    Participant

    To cauterize leaky, retinal veins,
    Use a swamp dragon’s not-too-hot flames:
    To temper its heat,
    Feed it chilli that’s sweet,
    Or your ears might start puffing like steam-engined trains…

  • #7563

    Cecile
    Participant

    Most pumpers’ desideratum’s a clip
    That in a blink onto bloomers can slip.
    A belted bikini?
    If your name’s Mussolini…
    And while marching, you need extra grip.

  • #7576

    Cecile
    Participant

    An injection-objector, Blob Chick,
    Said: “Your penning has made me feel sick!”
    Though her public tooth-picking-
    And-lip-balm-on-sticking
    Have conjured up loads of reciprocal ick…

  • #7617

    Cecile
    Participant

    When courting a testy D-lass,
    Make sure your sweet-talk’s not too crass:
    With umpteenth innuendo
    About needles doing what men do,
    You’ll have plentiful pricks come to pass.

  • #7632

    Cecile
    Participant

    After weeks of being tectonic drift’s guest,
    Female BGs start climbing a hormonal crest:
    As plates collide,
    Peaks & troughs coincide;
    Pancake planes get crumpled up and there’s nEverest.

  • #7638

    Cecile
    Participant

    Glycaemic’ly speaking, some feasts can be taXing:
    With so much to eat that is sweet & climaXing.
    Pigging out in this way,
    You might lose limbs in the fray,
    And end up as boar’s head…with an apple…relaXing.

  • #7654

    Anonymous

    My BGs have got writer’s block:
    Block block block block block block.
    Block block block block block bloc,
    Block block block block block bloc…
    Block block block block block block block block!

    It looks like a neat & stable 5 high…just wish I could get some writer’s mortar, too –
    they’re so easily flattened to the floor or piled into towering heaps without it.

  • #7655

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    I’m really worried by Wally,
    I think she’s dropped off her trolley.
    Making limerick waste
    Using copy and paste,
    No wonder she’s not very jolly!

    Oooooops! Duly edited to reflect the true gender of Wally. My sincere apologies!

  • #7656

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    You have to feel proud of Cecile
    Her poems have lots of appeal.
    Sometimes they don’t scan
    As a limerick can
    But she writes them with unstinting zeal.

  • #7657

    Anonymous

    @teloz: I know Wally has a certain manly ring to it, but my full female glory – Wallette – makes me sound like a spendthrift bulwark of capitalism, so I fare forth with the former (just take note that I’m topped with some lovely Cochrane curls, and downwards I’m fully (f)rocked :) )

  • #7659

    Cecile
    Participant

    The reason CGM glucose sensors
    Can’t be dished out by medicine dispensers,
    Is that the BBC’s* got
    The whole blooming lot:
    Some six hundred’s employed as censors!!!!!!!

    *Poor things are tortured into dropping their esses by means of endless repetition of the spell “be…be…cee!”

  • #7662

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    @brickwall – sorry about the gender confusion, but you have to admit your avatar isn’t very helpful, that’ll teach me to do more research! Anyway, my derogatory ditty has been duly corrected. :)

  • #7663

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    My long suffering diabetes nurse
    Said, “Your vascular system’s perverse!
    When I try to get blood
    It’s like syphoning mud,
    It’s enough to make a bloody nurse curse!”

  • #7664

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Nursie got very upset
    With the last lot of blood that she let.
    My HbA1c
    Was eight point six-three
    She said, “How bloody daft can you get?”.

  • #7665

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Cathy my nice DSN
    Is not very happy with men.
    When she sticks in the needle
    She turns really evil,
    And pokes ’round again and again.

  • #7666

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you’re @teloz, and weigh nearly a ton,
    It’s such burden to go for a run.
    Let Nurse chop you in two
    And give each half a shoe:
    They’ll lightfootedly hop down to 4.31…5*

    *hypothetical HbA1c of one @teloz/2

  • #7671

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic cockroach, Grigori’s
    Staple foods were sweets & liquorice.
    He’s now got six feet under
    And ommatidia all asunder –
    Thank goodness he can’t move to where that sticker is.

  • #7679

    Cecile
    Participant

    While shovelling snow up north,
    Set your basals to halfpennyworth…
    Or you might end up low,
    Then scooped up by a plough
    And tossed in the Firth of Forth.

  • #7700

    Cecile
    Participant

    When bugged by a plethora of plugs
    Used to bung up infusion set mugs,
    With a dollop of glue
    They’ll be baubles anew:
    Some seasonal finery for your fir (of Doug’s).

  • #7701

    Cecile
    Participant

    Diabetics with high blood sugars
    Are quite tasty for sweet toothed cougars.
    Just remind them to brush:
    Such sweetmeaty mush
    Is catastrophic for feline chewers.

  • #7705

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Gnomey has got a new meter,
    It’s not really very much neater
    Than the old Compact Plus
    That’s the size of a bus
    And sucks up his blood by the litre.

  • #7706

    Cecile
    Participant

    Terry’s new, colossal Cmpct +
    Sounds as thirsty as I once was
    Before diagnosis,
    Drinking Coke in big doses…
    Perhaps its BGs do ten surpass?

  • #7711

    Cecile
    Participant
  • #7712

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Those ladies hooked up to a pump
    Sometimes get a bit of a hump;
    Their hoses in tangles
    With bracelets and bangles
    They come back to earth with a thump.

  • #7713

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Female penis envy is dead,
    They’re after our gonads instead.
    Testicular betas
    Are now here to greet us
    Can men ever sleep safe in their bed?

  • #7714

    Cecile
    Participant

    Are you sick & tired of test prickles?
    Nip tiny bits off Terry’s testicles;
    Shoot them up in your back
    And prevent immune flak:
    Send your T-cells on their sabbaticals.

  • #7715

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Misogynistic limericks aside
    Women just fill me with pride.
    We men just can’t tell,
    With our single brain cell,
    The compassionate nature you hide.

  • #7716

    Cecile
    Participant

    In the ruthless world of limericks
    There’s no sweetness or big, cheesy winks ;)
    For the sake of a rhyme,
    There’ll be many a crime:
    Like “camembert” & “preserved figs”*.

    *another one of those dishes of death that is dastardly difficult to bolus for…

  • #7717

    Cecile
    Participant

    Poor @teloz is really being stressed
    In the search for some savings and through quest
    For born again B*-cells:
    First gallows, now belles
    Out to grab albatross eggs from his nest.

    *Beta (forum unable to do Greek letters)

  • #7718

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    I’m glad I don’t live in SA
    And see our Cecile every day.
    Her vast intellect
    Makes me feel so henpecked
    I’d eventually wither away.

  • #7719

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    One hundred and thirty nine posts
    Must be a surprise to our hosts.
    Limerickical rhymes
    in these modern times
    Must be worth any number of toasts!

  • #7720

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    It’s really quite easy to fall
    For the prospect of losing a ball;
    To beat diabetes
    It’s easy to see these
    As objects of useful recall.

  • #7721

    Anonymous

    Tim’s diabetic top tip
    Is get Engelbert driving your ship
    At first he injected
    But now that’s rejected
    And now they are joined at the hip.

  • #7722

    Cecile
    Participant

    I hereby declare @teloz bull of the ball :D

    So my brain’s inhabited by a brood of intellig-hens
    That make @teloz quail when they cackle their loony sense?
    They can’t prevent hypos
    Or cataracts & fry toes,
    But they can pop out rotten eggs* by the hendecadozens…

    *limer(ch)icks

  • #7723

    Cecile
    Participant

    Good gracious! So @tim is a hippie?
    Continuously out on a drippy trip, he?
    No more pens that are swords
    To strike my empathy chords
    And no more reason to be dippy?

  • #7724

    Cecile
    Participant

    It’s taken me years for the penny to drop
    On how to hitch pump to your midriffic cob:
    With a CLICK, THUNK and cry, Oh!
    Of Oh-my, Oh-mio!
    It seems like quite a handful…or would that be a bob?

  • #7730

    Cecile
    Participant

    When inserting sensing bits in your blubber,
    You’ll be in need of a lard-cleaving grubber:
    If you have no harpoon,
    You can sharpen a spoon –
    With which you also can shovel in your supper.

  • #7732

    Anonymous

    My BGs are such unruly kids:
    Supposed to stay safe & sound in the mids,
    But they’re drawn like dog hairs
    To carpeted stairs –
    Up and down all day long…foolish gits!

  • #7742

    Anonymous

    My BGs drive me up the wall
    When they upwardly climb & downwardly fall.
    For their ups, there is insulin;
    For their downs, I put sweeties in…
    So Humpty’s got a mattress* and a mound, few bricks tall.

    *made of marshmallow

  • #7743

    Cecile
    Participant

    Diabetes is an interminable test
    With overs never over and no rest.
    Armed with insulin bat
    And glucose bowled fast* at that,
    You can but hope that the pitch is the best**.

    *& slow, you never know with a bowler who varies pace
    **not for bowlers, though…

  • #7744

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Comparing diabetes to cricket
    Is clever you know, just the ticket!
    The analogy’s sound
    For the merry-go-round
    With the needle and just where to stick it.

  • #7746

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    The buttock, the belly, the thigh,
    The choice makes me waver and sigh
    I know that the needle
    Is not really evil
    But when it hurts me I just wonder why.

  • #7749

    Cecile
    Participant

    Diabetic gnomes have such sensitive feelers:
    Even mossies can make them turn squealers.
    If what you hear sounds appalling
    (Like soprano bagpipes caterwauling),
    They’d much rather shoot up than go mealless.

  • #7754

    Cecile
    Participant

    Chirping on in crickety vein:

    You can also use glucose as willowy swat
    To dab at balls bowled by the insulin squad:
    With basals as spinners
    And fast bolus* winners,
    Your wickets will go low, shot or no shot.

    *bowlers’

  • #7758

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Those horrible, nasty T2s
    Are taking much more than their dues.
    All that posh insulin
    That they’re pumping in
    Should be left for the others to use.

  • #7759

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    To save costs in our great NHS
    We must give the T2s something less.
    Putting them on strict diets
    Won’t cause any riots,
    But it won’t help to sort out the mess.

  • #7766

    Cecile
    Participant

    In order to kick an infusion set goal,
    Get Gerrard to make you a hole.
    Just hope that your lard
    Is not van der Sarred
    And that your cannula darts in like Joe Cole.

  • #7767

    Cecile
    Participant

    For a game of diabetic darts,
    Paint your stomach without triple parts:
    Protect your bull’s eye with glasses
    To prevent umbilic trespasses;
    Put a score of 10* or less on the cards.

    *for kidneys’ sake

  • #7772

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Tim’s Shoot Up review of the year
    Really is nothing to fear;
    Written so quick
    With his digital Bic,
    Once read it runs out of your ear. :)

  • #7773

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Good old Diabetes UK
    Often has plenty to say
    About things diabetic
    And lives so frenetic
    It’s best if you do as they say.

  • #7774

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Some people would say that it’s sad
    For Gnomey alone in his pad
    Writing crap limericks
    To get all his kicks
    As if rhyming was all that he had.

  • #7775

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    With lantus my flab is awash
    Absorbing large dollops of dosh
    That the poor NHS
    I have to confess
    Could use to buy clerks orange squash.

  • #7776

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Five needles a day is the norm
    Six or seven if my blood’s out of form
    Add the holes from the lancets
    That make me do dance steps
    Diabetes just goes down a storm!

  • #7778

    Cecile
    Participant

    Those nasty NHS top brass
    Have been wasting dough on orange squash & cars.
    Now they’re withholding Lantus
    To make their patients sweet as Fantas,
    Then sold & served in vampiric bars.

  • #7779

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    The holiday season is here
    A time all diabetics fear.
    When you know that mince pies
    Can ruin your eyes
    And your kidneys, it’s perfectly clear.

  • #7780

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    If nakedness floats your boat
    Running around sans your coat
    Just watch your blood glucose
    And membranes that are mucose
    Or your DSN bites out your throat!

  • #7781

    Cecile
    Participant

    In the case of diabetes,
    Both cursed & blessed are sweeties:
    When high, you must stop;
    When low, stuff your gob
    Or you’ll end up not too sure of where your feet is.

  • #7782

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    On days when your poor feet are numb
    It’s easy to end on your bum.
    To slide and to slip,
    To stumble and trip,
    It’s really not very much fun.

  • #7783

    Cecile
    Participant

    Neuropathy now gets accused
    ‘Cause @teloz‘s bum is abused.
    Rather glare at your Croc:
    It turns floor into bog –
    You wouldn’t get glued if you were differently shoesed.

  • #7785

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Those Crocs are really ideal
    For protecting feet that can’t feel
    The reduction in pain
    Is a positive gain
    When you know that they won’t ever heal.

  • #7786

    Cecile
    Participant

    The NHS’s newest way to skive
    And make all Type Two BGs dive,
    Is to give them a shoe
    Made of concrete & glue…
    You might end up* with a mermaid wife.

    *or is it down…at Morecambe?

  • #7787

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Wherever the nice T1s lead
    With their minuscule insulin need
    The T2s will foller
    In profligate squalor
    Drinking gallons and gallons, like mead.

  • #7788

    Cecile
    Participant

    With sweet blood & high blood pressure,
    Take a hot bath for your pleasure:
    You’ll be cooking some jam
    Without* “wham!” or a “bam!” –
    And be prized as well-preserved treasure.

    *thanks to holes made by injections/infusions/lancets

  • #7789

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    I’m actually beginning to see
    That Cecile is competing with me,
    Each diabetic story
    Is for limerick glory,
    We’re both just sad as can be.

  • #7790

    Cecile
    Participant

    Limericks aren’t supposed to be flaunt lit:
    A throwing down of the verbal gauntlet…
    These long-distance strolls
    Through diabetic dust bowls
    Were meant to be jolly & frolicking jaunt* lit(?)

    *Of course, you’re going to have to get rid of those cumbersome, concrete clonkers and clap on Crocs (after slipping out of scratchy, sad sackcloth**)

    **This is a not very subtle challenge to see who can compose the most alliterative limerick…and I urge other members to join the fray – we’ll need a sizable army to conquer @teloz on that front ;)

  • #7791

    Anonymous

    My BGs are blooming bumbling bees,
    Can’t crank out honey, ’cause they’ve lost the keys:
    Niggling insulin’s nigh
    So glucagon has gone shy;
    Fall down the flue to bounce* back to your knees.

    *compliments of adrenaline

  • #7793

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Alliterative limericks lack lustre
    Bedecked with bravado and bluster.
    Rough, rollicking rhymes
    On euphemistic enzymes,
    Many more than a mad man might muster.

  • #7794

    Cecile
    Participant

    After autoimmune assasination
    Of bulging betas (by bashing them thin),
    Your T-cells can’t cope
    With the D they’ve dished up:
    Every tea time, enneedle & eat the min*.

    *minimum…or mince pies

  • #7795

    Cecile
    Participant

    Fruit Pastilles fit in a feline Fleur bag
    & Give good grounds to gallivant through the Gulag.
    Halt happy hard labour!
    Insulin is in favour:
    Jam down those jujubes to jellify your JET LAG*.

    *Jackhammering Exertions To blame (for) Low Arterial Glucose

  • #7796

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    Footnotes are a terrible way
    To explain what your rhyme has to say
    If you can’t get the metre
    With alpha and beta
    You might as well not try and play.

  • #7797

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    A limerick’s rhythm is fixed
    By traditions that can’t be unmixed
    Though tweaks are allowed
    You can’t fool the crowd
    So the ones that don’t work are just nixed.

  • #7798

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    This blog is a wonderful model
    Helping new diabetics to toddle
    Through DMI doses
    To pumps and their hoses
    Without lots of ignorant twaddle.

  • #7799

    Annette A
    Participant

    Alliterative Angels and
    Heavenly Hosts all Holding Hands
    Sweetly Singing
    Bolus-Busting
    Carb-count carols ‘cross the land.

  • #7800

    Annette A
    Participant

    Deck the halls with dratted holly
    Thorns that really arent so jolly
    leaves that prick
    without test strips
    Isnt it just bloody folly?

  • #7801

    Cecile
    Participant

    @annette: It’s unfair, you’ve got an alliterative name & surname! :D

    From Queen Victoria’s ball,
    You’ll make an enormous haul
    Of pancreatic betas
    With which they can treat us
    To prevent our il&merickal fall.

    I know, I know, I don’t refer to anything in the text above, but as footnote I was extremely affronted by @teloz‘s unwelcoming words…I thought that for diabetes limericks, we might indicate that they weren’t amputees?

  • #7802

    Cecile
    Participant

    I’m off to make scones with lemonade & cream:
    It’s as “fast” as an Analog Insulin stream…
    But their stay in the oven
    Really is a dozen,
    Not like Ana’s thirty-supposed-to-be-fifteem.

  • #7803

    Cecile
    Participant

    A kamikaze kangaroo
    Was Lantussed & ‘Logged into the loo.
    Could a Medtronic model
    With neat, nifty noddle
    Our ‘opper obstetricize out of the poo?

  • #7804

    Cecile
    Participant

    Pachyderms who pump, get pierced with a porcpin:
    That queasy quilting-with-a-quill is quartan.
    The range* includes “Rhino”
    And slender, svelte “Spino“;
    If their tummies are tallowed, it might take a tall ‘un.

    *currently available are “Porcupine” (middling), “Rhino”(robust), “Spino”(lengthy), “Sugarbird”(ideal for hyperglycaemic fine artists) and “Kudu”(if you’re kinky)

  • #7805

    Cecile
    Participant

    Dig into tens of tubs of DIABICE:
    It’s refreshingly light, and rather nice.
    To prevent this delight
    From causing frostbite,
    Add a tiny tinge of chilli spice.

  • #7806

    Cecile
    Participant

    Ubiquitous BGs will be under and up
    ‘Cause that vagabond vampire has vacated his sup.
    So why is his wame sick
    And for Xmas, he’s exodontic?
    “A yard of yummy yule sop makes a yucky* yule cup.”

    *Count Dracula isn’t really into dessert wines (like @hils, he’s afraid he’ll appear foppish :D)

  • #7807

    Cecile
    Participant

    zzzzzzzz…sorry, such a taxing stretch of alliteration has induced hypoglycaemic zizzing (x_x)

  • #7808

    Cecile
    Participant

    If nude DIABICE should give you the shivers,
    Try the new kind with Fruit Pastille slivers.
    You’ll be burning more fuel
    Eating stuff with a chill:
    Some sweetness might help out your dozy D liver(s).

  • #7809

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you’re a believer in voodoo,
    You might think the horn of a kudu
    Can be used as syringe,
    As it fits you a cinch:
    Its uncontrolled spiral does suit you.

  • #7810

    Cecile
    Participant

    @stephen has mislaid his Mio –
    He now has to use a corkscrew
    To put in that pipe
    Close to his tripe
    And hope that his spirit stays VO*.

    *Very Obliging

  • #7811

    Cecile
    Participant

    A rude & outlandish hippo
    Has been stepping on everyone’s big toe…
    It’s just ’cause Queen Vic’s
    Hot cough syrup mix
    Has more carbs & ‘cohol than that snow.

  • #7812

    Cecile
    Participant

    If being pronged makes you smart,
    You can now perhaps take heart:
    Don’t cover your balls –
    This clever dick calls
    For nanotech’s little-speck art.

  • #7813

    Cecile
    Participant

    Test strips as such aren’t muti,
    But are still a big part of your booty:
    For a pot, you give Mammon
    Three kilos of gammon*…
    Or more, at ASDA, if he’s not snooty.

    *after rounding off, at Tesco’s; with the pot containing One Touch Ultras (last year’s December price)

  • #7814

    Cecile
    Participant

    Haemoglobin are told many sweet sins
    by bikini’d babes* with sugary skins.
    Although at home he stays mum,
    1 nurse later, he’ll become
    confessing about their smooth, hairy shins.

    *hydrophyllic glucose

  • #7815

    Cecile
    Participant

    High blood glucose will cause
    You to crave gallons of sauce:
    Pepsis and Vimtos,
    Eggnogs in big pos
    Run in ’til you piss like a horse.

  • #7816

    Cecile
    Participant

    Hypoglycaemia’s a given when
    You’re given an insulin pen.
    Pencil that guides
    Or Tipp-Ex that hides
    Scoot off as soon as that ink’s in.

  • #7817

    Cecile
    Participant

    Type Twos without shoes
    Endanger their toes…
    Leaving their digs,
    Out to get cigs:
    Zip up, or a foot they might lose.

  • #7818

    Anonymous

    my BGs are metric’ly measured in
    minute female bits of gangster’s kin.
    over the pond
    lasses respond
    /Like ladies of bounty: one’s like eighteen!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  • #7819

    Cecile
    Participant

    Carbohydrates can be counted
    As long as your measures aren’t rounded:
    Restrain your sup’s
    Beer muggic cups
    Strictly, or your feet may be found dead.

  • #7820

    Cecile
    Participant

    Crustaceans are much trickier:
    Resort to technologic’ gear.
    A scale that totes
    Bazillion notes
    Should satisfy a picky ea’r*.

    *eater

  • #7821

    Cecile
    Participant

    Basal seems flat as a manta…
    At times, though, it should look like Santa:
    Sunrise, you’ll need
    A trifle more feed;
    Later, before it’s early, make it scanter.

  • #7822

    Cecile
    Participant

    Before you eat some pasta,
    On board have stuff that’s faster.
    Long-distance Lantus
    Unwillingly canters…
    Shoot up a bit of Boltish Rasta.

  • #7823

    Cecile
    Participant

    Because it has nice, fatty jelly,
    Elect to inject in your belly.
    Legs lag behind;
    Lazy bum’s blind:
    Your stomach’s the place for the melee.

  • #7824

    Cecile
    Participant

    Bloody bovine udder
    Licked clean – it makes me shudder!
    Onwards it goes:
    Our @alison‘s cows
    Drop blood to fill and flood her…

  • #7825

    Cecile
    Participant

    A handful of singles
    Should save your toes’ tingles.
    Heave you a five
    Every mo you’re alive:
    Smear fielders, Vaseline Girls*!

    *A troupe of overalled ladies armed with jars of petroleum jelly & brushes, who’ll ensure that not just the slips’ paws are slippery…oh, and they’re usually referred to as the Balmy Army :)

  • #7826

    Cecile
    Participant

    To tow your car – unable?
    Use pump’s tube as cable.
    Because of stretch,
    Expect to fetch
    Spools of stringy hose to fill*.

    *’cause “prime” doesn’t rhyme

  • #7827

    Cecile
    Participant

    Pumps are terrestrial creatures
    Used to keep “dry”*, ‘stead of leeches.
    Must you dive in a pool?
    Put pump on a stool:
    Swimming’s not one of its features.

    *not urinating excessively

  • #7828

    Cecile
    Participant

    Now that the year’s as blunt as a lancet
    Employed all annum as burrowing blood-get,
    Whip out that snickersnee’s
    Ung over dull piece:
    New Year’s the time to be sharp as a pinhead.

  • #7844

    Cecile
    Participant

    You* can die a bee-teasing:
    Sweet stings cause decreasing
    Food & air gains
    From tiny tot veins…
    Buzz off, honeyed squeezing!

    *especially retinas & kidneys & nerves

  • #7848

    Cecile
    Participant

    Though trifles sound tiny as mice,
    They can make your blood glucose rise.
    Once the cream on the top
    Ends sweetness’s stop,
    For the PP*, there’s verminous highs.

    *Penned or Pumped Piper

  • #7863

    Cecile
    Participant

    If feeling a bit saltcellary
    And assaultive towards the jellery,
    It’s easy to know
    Your BG is low:
    Eggs’ll give it wings, says @bellebe .

  • #7875

    Cecile
    Participant

    Terry’s laid hands on a Walkman*
    That as limbs go, has far less than…
    It’s got a cassette
    For hits of lancet –
    If it wasn’t so heavy, it could cancan.

    *rhyming crimes already committed when Wikipedia informed me that Sony marketed it as a “Stowaway” in the UK

  • #7907

    Cecile
    Participant

    Polymermaidens put milk in
    To make sensors smooth & silken.
    If you turn up your nose
    For their fishy lactose,
    Rather dip your REAL-Times in the grease tin.

  • #7936

    Cecile
    Participant

    Passive-aggressive diabetics
    Lancetless do their finger pricks:
    As their hides stay shut
    And they get no blood,
    They prong them with some pointed sticks.

  • #7968

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic mewled: “I feel low!”,
    So was sent to the shrink, Dr. Dough.
    “Slurp pink spaghetti
    While your foot’s feeling heady –
    Your psyche will rise ’til your right toe.”

  • #8087

    Cecile
    Participant

    Those noisome Metformin pills
    Can sensitize Type 2 ills,
    But the reek they exude
    Is not very good:
    Like something endowed with gills.

  • #8090

    Cecile
    Participant

    Get you a mammary harness:
    A bra for both sexes garners
    A place for your pump…
    If your bosom is plump,
    Make sure that its valley* quite large is.

    *cross your heart

  • #8092

    Cecile
    Participant

    Glucose can now make you glow,
    So if your power supply’s so-so,
    Just swallow sweet sop –
    In a blink, you’ll light up
    And bedazzle your gloomy chateau.

  • #8096

    Cecile
    Participant
  • #8097

    Cecile
    Participant

    Our diabetic evolution
    Brought Panky’s execution,
    ‘Stead of body bags
    For pump and fags:
    “0h, my kingdom for a roo bin…”

    This footnote has nothing to do with the above – it just lifts its feet for the sake of the double Nelson :)

  • #8098

    Cecile
    Participant

    When Panky’s Bs are cranky,
    You wouldn’t need a hankie*:
    Hypodermic impalement
    Of skin for this ailment
    Will stop sweet spills of rank pee.

    *though you could use it to dab at digital wounds (if you’re not vampiric)

  • #8132

    Cecile
    Participant

    Should your raiment get soppily wet
    When you hypo and start spouting sweat,
    Ask Marilyn Monroe
    Where she got that airflow:
    It’ll blow you as dry as crispbread.

  • #8144

    Cecile
    Participant

    Thanks to @lizz‘s and @stephen‘s mention of lipohypertrophy of injection sites, my lady’s are up for expansion:

    A lady shot up in her bosom
    To enlarge her chest-dwelling twosome:
    “If my feet I can’t see,
    Less worries for me –
    I never would know if I lose ’em…”

  • #8173

    Cecile
    Participant

    Hip Hamlets of your pancreas
    Soliloquize, while Ts harass:
    “To beta – or not?
    There’s always a shot,
    Or pumps by Medtronic and Animas.”

  • #8191

    Cecile
    Participant

    @teloz needs a new ‘ron –
    His are off, with few on.
    Now willy’s nilly
    And feet feel chilli:
    Rewire Juan to cure Don.

  • #8241

    Cecile
    Participant

    As pirate’s Medic Alert,
    The parrot’s an excellent bird:
    “I’m a poly-!” it screeches,
    “Eat, drink, wet breeches!”
    I’ll give a leg for a thing so absurd…

  • #8250

    Cecile
    Participant

    Today*, Tim should shove down his
    Thirty four birthday brownies
    With relative ease:
    He just needs to squeeze
    His pump on its “Drown” piece.

    *19/02/11

  • #8282

    Cecile
    Participant

    A Type 2 got rid of some weight,
    Raffling off his feet at a fete.
    “The beard I’ll retain:
    My chinny chow mein
    Does cover my mouth like a gate.”

  • #8287

    Cecile
    Participant

    If elephant or if orange,
    Use a long one – perhaps a four inch
    To get insulin
    Through your ???????* skin:
    Hush, it sounds too foreign…sh!

    *Drat BuddyPress! Supposed to be Cyrillic characters that denote “thick” in Russian

  • #8291

    Cecile
    Participant

    Always being decked out in furs
    Prods your absorption with spurs.
    If your wardrobe is bare
    Of clothes blessed with hair,
    Carry hot dogs in your purse.

  • #8295

    Cecile
    Participant

    To keep your BG in line
    And stop that sugarbird flyin’,
    Tip a table that Trotts –
    With no fast, sweet shots
    As quick as Kevin O’Brien.

  • #8312

    Cecile
    Participant

    @tim bans us from Activity:
    Such bustling will cause low BG…
    We big rhyming horde
    Can perhaps be restored,
    But he’ll be left with no sweetie.

  • #8313

    Cecile
    Participant

    A buffalo sat on her Cozmo:
    It’s now as dead as a dodo.
    She’s just had it gilt
    And bought it a quilt,
    No matter it’s going to cost dough.

  • #8336

    Anonymous

    There once was a diabetic call Chris
    Who was quite bad and had sugary P***
    He never tested
    The doctor requested
    But he wont cause he is a lazy S***

    Sorry for the swearing but i literally couldnt think of anything else that rhymed!

  • #8339

    Cecile
    Participant

    After your betas’ failure,
    Tons of paraphernalia
    Can usurp your abode:
    Arrest that whole load
    And ship it to Australia.

  • #8340

    Cecile
    Participant

    A nosy hound named Lola
    Can smell when you go polar.
    A dip down south?
    Her trusty mouth
    Will bay: “You need some Cola!”.

  • #8341

    Cecile
    Participant

    To help you when you’re hyper,
    Make use of Cleo, the viper:
    She’ll nip you when
    You go past 10 –
    You wouldn’t need a diaper.

  • #8344

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you’re a travelling meter
    Who longs to snooze by the heater,
    This sleeping bag could
    Be worn like suit,
    And make your life much sweeter.

  • #8359

    Cecile
    Participant

    When Queen Liz’s toes do rot
    ‘Cause her BG’s far from naught,
    Her corgis could chew
    Them off if they’re blue:
    The NHS will save a lot.

  • #8395

    Cecile
    Participant

    Are you a capricious tart
    Who’s breaking her needle’s heart?
    I’m not one-night standish:
    I promise, I brandish
    My sharps ’til depth* us do part.

    *when their 8mm (or less, for lancets) are worn to the nib ;)

  • #8396

    Cecile
    Participant

    To pump, you’ll pay top dollar:
    Your neck will need white collar
    To afford this machine…
    If your purse is quite lean,
    Look here to shout and holler.

  • #8399

    Cecile
    Participant

    In order for @tim to be hugged,
    Use Humalog to get him drugged:
    While out cold & low,
    Squeeze him like dough…
    Wear earplugs – he might just eruct*.

    *caused by beer-o’clock

  • #8404

    Cecile
    Participant

    There’s lots of less- and lottery
    When you are blessed with honeyed pee…
    Twixt o-point-six
    And thirty thrix,
    What’s odds of on-the-dot BG?

  • #8432

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you are a CGMployer
    Who snoops on your glucose seesawyer,
    How could you besquint
    Such sweet innocent?
    You prying & intrusive voyeur!

  • #8442

    Cecile
    Participant

    You always should Chek your Accpet:
    It capably can wet the bed
    With ruby red gore
    It sucks from your fore-
    Finger, or thumb, says @annette .

  • #8443

    Cecile
    Participant

    I’m bound for blood sugar acme
    If I with pancakes should pack me
    And refrain to inject
    The stuff I’ll expect
    To ack-ack the carbs that attack me.

  • #8446

    Anonymous

    At a frightening one point three
    She was sweating and shivery
    But pancakes and syrup
    Brought her sugar way up
    And now she’s a hyper lady

  • #8488

    Cecile
    Participant

    If CGM gets laryngitis
    And can’t scream when your BG slight is,
    A drop of blue Bols
    Might restore its loud calls
    By cooling those vocal cord blighters…

  • #8489

    Cecile
    Participant

    These lines belong to one of @teloz ‘s imaginary PumpPets:

    My nightie I’ve toodle-oo kissed:
    Henceforth, I shall be a gnudist…
    Though I’ll keep on my hose
    To deliver that dose,
    And stop me becoming too pissed*.

    *polyuric

  • #8492

    Cecile
    Participant

    Shoot Up’s now got molars:
    It’s time for us to go @lizz
    And worship our hosts
    With honey-sweet posts…
    JUST REMEMBER, YOU MUST BOLUS!*

    *for @mustard ‘s sake, a bit of shouting :)

  • #8501

    Cecile
    Participant

    Use calculating wizard
    When stuffing stuff in gizzard…
    No matter you’re dumb –
    Let pump do the sum:
    Knowing what dose is his art.

  • #8509

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic stunner
    Can’t get rats to shun her.
    That murine lot
    Gives her the NOD:
    Her Cozmouse…always on her.

  • #8521

    Cecile
    Participant

    For diabetic bondage,
    Use tubing to make fond hitch –
    But first be assured
    That pump can be moored:
    “With strings my Pod is non-rich.”

  • #8543

    Cecile
    Participant

    “Doctor, my ‘bedes is briddle –
    Daylong, an up & down fiddle!”
    “Forsake your rebounder:
    No more you’ll flounder…
    Get off, and stay in the middle.”

  • #8545

    Cecile
    Participant

    There was a Scottish farmer
    Who also was embalmer:
    “My glaur-covered palms
    Will sully my balms –
    This’ll make corpses feel calmer.”

  • #8566

    Cecile
    Participant

    When modelling stuff that is haute,
    Damned is the digit with spot…
    Though if I was Doulton,
    And selling a salt tin,
    I’d pay tons for @tim‘s pepper pot.

  • #8571

    Cecile
    Participant

    Diabetic treacle bender?
    You might need Thing to lend a
    Hand while you twist
    Those sweets in your fist:
    His BG’s* always slender.

    *guaranteed to be only a handful (5), and he usually has lots of blood on hand, especially if he’s just cleaned this bed

  • #8573

    Cecile
    Participant

    Pumpers are such idiots,
    Getting bummed by many bits…
    Perhaps pens might restore
    Their heads’ IQ score:
    We “writers” are all brainy twits ;)

  • #8597

    Cecile
    Participant

    If they’re not restrained by cups,
    BGs, like bollocks and bubs,
    Will leap quite far
    Sans jockstrap and bra:
    Capture those hills with von Trapps.

  • #8618

    Cecile
    Participant

    As far as ‘betic terroir goes,
    Plant your vines in dead flat rows
    To stop your bouquet
    Smell like acetone spray:
    Give peaks & troughs a good bulldoze.

  • #8620

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    @ckoei‘s* tireless it seems,
    Writing ludicrous limericks in reams.
    She never will rest,
    She’s one of the best,
    She’s writing them all in her dreams!

    *Pronounce as “At-seekie” to make the rhyme scan.

  • #8624

    Cecile
    Participant

    The hypoglycaemic Ckoei
    Is always nibbling chop suey
    Without any rice
    To halt all those highs:
    Her BGs quite often are two-y

  • #8626

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic clavier
    Will be in need of savvy ear:
    Its illness disposes
    To highs and to lowses,
    Making middle Cs hard to hear.

  • #8627

    Cecile
    Participant

    For just in case, a bag’s the theng,
    With spares and sweets, the whole shebeng…
    Your lord Baden-Powell
    Approves such bestowal:
    You’ll be prepared for Mafikeng.

  • #8628

    Cecile
    Participant

    @alison now is VeO
    As pumps (and not as years) go.
    Hope that her brandy
    Goes down real dandy…
    Does sound hung over to me, though 😆

  • #8629

    Cecile
    Participant

    When you are naming our species,
    Look at our pee, not our faeces…
    It better be honey
    To be on the money:
    Put it in hive and say “Bees, seize!”

  • #8630

    Cecile
    Participant

    How much subcut stuff is on board?
    There might be a fast-acting horde
    Down in the hold,
    About to make bold
    Mutinsuliny ’til you’re shored.

  • #8635

    Cecile
    Participant

    You’ll have an insulin stash
    In giving your bangers* a mash:
    Enough for a Pygmy…
    Though if you’re a big me,
    You also should squeeze your kolbász.

    *just for this limerick’s sake, assume that sausages contain porcine pancreas ;)

  • #8636

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    You really are stretching a point,
    Thinking insulin’s held in a joint
    Of pulverised pig
    That ain’t very big,
    Or sausages simply conjoint.

  • #8638

    Cecile
    Participant

    There goes my Actrapid sausage…
    Where shall I find suchlike sauce which
    Costs less than those packs
    Of porcine knick-knacks?
    Better fly off, dear pet ostrich!

  • #8640

    Cecile
    Participant

    A bride, with her pump on her garter
    And fruit pastilled blooms – don’t you <3 her?
    She cried with dismay
    As she tossed them away:
    “Quite soon, I’ll be glycaemic martyr!”

  • #8641

    Hairy Gnome
    Participant

    A lecherous old gnome sits and cries,
    He weeps, and he wails, and he sighs.
    He knows it’s a sin
    To stick pen needles in
    The flesh of a tender bride’s thighs. 😆

  • #8642

    Cecile
    Participant
  • #8643

    Cecile
    Participant

    When choosing the one you’ll wed,
    Give constancy the go-ahead:
    Dexcommunist blokes
    And Enlitened okes
    Are into you – not just in bed.

  • #8646

    Cecile
    Participant

    A basal alarm’s like a baby –
    With wauling it’ll both night and day be
    Getting you stressed:
    By giving it breast,
    You might get it hushed up…well, maybe.

  • #8657

    Cecile
    Participant

    The Cozmopolitan lizz
    Is always very busy
    Jumping around
    Her trusted home ground:
    “Elsewhere, I’m in a tizzy.”

  • #8660

    Cecile
    Participant

    A nasty ophthalmo imposter
    Got hold of the poor Earl of Gloucester:
    “Your eyes I’ll take, fellow –
    Their yolks* are all yellow
    And wife whines ’cause eggs so much cost her.”

    *caused by oedematic maculae, with “hard yellow exudates”

  • #8663

    Cecile
    Participant

    In case there is a cure
    And your betas do endure,
    Should these tedious poems
    ‘Bout sweet pee syndromes
    Be flushed into the sewer?*

    *rhetorical question, please

  • #8665

    Cecile
    Participant

    Your soul will bathe in black pools
    If blood’s full of treacly pack mules.
    Get rid of that toffeed
    Asinine horse breed
    By nipping off all of jack’s jewels.

  • #8671

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you find your pen a bit thick,
    And yearn for an object more sleek,
    Feed it to a dachshund
    Whose sphincters are not ruined:
    You’ll have to put up with some reek.

  • #8674

    Cecile
    Participant

    Nig, while Munching dried peaches
    Does cry: “Life sure a bitch is!
    These fruits seem so small,
    But carb-wise, they’re tall:
    Avaunt, ye sly BG* riches!”

    *in this case, it can be both blood glucose & bowel gas (thanks to the preservative, sulphur dioxide)

  • #8675

    Cecile
    Participant

    To hit a ‘betic birdie
    Your game should be quite sturdy:
    An eagle might mean
    Your BG’s too lean…
    Score par to halt jeopardy.

  • #8676

    Cecile
    Participant

    This one has to be read with a “lithp”:

    You’ll AGE quite fast when dancing
    The two-step with that prancing
    Thug, Amadori…
    This sorry love story
    Will make your health a gone thing.

  • #8679

    Cecile
    Participant

    Those bloody greedy millimoles
    Consumed potato casseroles.
    Now meter says “HI”:
    With traps you could try
    To keep them from your fingerholes.

  • #8680

    Cecile
    Participant

    An oedematic macula
    Was sucked dry by Count Dracula.
    Says maiden, whose peeper
    Is no longer seeper:
    “This vamp-eye looks spectacular!”

  • #8681

    Cecile
    Participant

    While bumbling ’bout the mall,
    Your BG’s bound to fall…
    When it nearly two is,
    Beware of John Lewis:
    Aim here when you do sprawl.

  • #8689

    Cecile
    Participant

    You perhaps should put your date
    On scales to check its weight:
    Too much of such fruits
    Might empty your boots
    And leave you with blind pate.

  • #8695

    Cecile
    Participant

    A bovine beast, whose calves
    Cried “Cramps! Smear some smooth salves!”,
    Ignored them with sigh:
    “With glucose sky-high,
    We’re cut out for sweet Bovs.”

  • #8696

    Cecile
    Participant

    This illness, where betas withdrew,
    Can vertic’ly challenge us, too…
    Keep it short and sweet:
    Get rid of your feet,
    And dare not don platformal shoe.

  • #8699

    Cecile
    Participant

    An ever-so-peckish Type 1
    From sweetmeats could easily run,
    But kilos of cheese
    Have made her obese:
    She now needs a truck for her tonne.

  • #8700

    Cecile
    Participant

    The hypo Casanunda*
    Was tired of downwards wander.
    He tried to kiss
    A hyper Miss:
    “Her highness I shall plunder!”

    *the Discworldian dwarfish version of Casanova

  • #8701

    Cecile
    Participant

    Insulinic resistance
    In gnohms has great persistance:
    To give them enough
    Fast-acting stuff,
    Their pumps will need of these tins.

  • #8704

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you’ve got your business planned,
    Be sure of its meaty gland.
    For there to be cash,
    No sweet pee should splash…
    Make it on own Footsie(s) stand.

  • #8723

    Cecile
    Participant

    Buy pots of Super Glue
    To stick a Pod to you.
    If you beget
    Some streams of sweat,
    You’ll also need a screw.

  • #8735

    Cecile
    Participant

    Infusion sets are fickle,
    So check their saucy trickle…
    If it’s too wee,
    There’s high BG:
    Your tubing you should wiggle.

  • #8753

    Cecile
    Participant

    While basking in the glory
    Of its glycated story,
    An A1c
    That dropped to 3
    Got bonked by speeding lorry.

  • #8759

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic looker
    Could flash her boobs like hooker…
    Those sparkling signs
    Meant sweet declines:
    You shouldn’t have mistook her.

  • #8761

    Cecile
    Participant

    A pimp* said: “I need basal rates
    To pay for the beds of my maids.
    An upstanding bolus
    Is short and is soulless:
    My poor dears need rest when it late’s”.

    *compliments of @annette‘s lovely mobile typing :D

  • #8765

    Cecile
    Participant

    When ‘betes was still juvenile,
    It daily suckled at a phial.
    It’s now gone to school
    Where it makes pens drool
    Some lines ’bout its unbeta’d isle.

  • #8774

    Cecile
    Participant

    To stop your pen’s hot flushes
    And keep it young and luscious,
    Stick it in dondurma:
    It’s always much firmer
    Than stuff that melts and slush is.

  • #8779

    Cecile
    Participant

    Should your forehead be tattooed
    ‘Cause your betas are kaput,
    A loud brass bell
    This fact can tell
    If all’s hidden ‘hind that hood.

  • #8791

    Cecile
    Participant

    It’s quite a big challenge to get
    Your food and fast stuff to duet.
    If just one should solo,
    You both high and low go:
    When eating, play fife and trumpet.

  • #8794

    Cecile
    Participant

    Eschew the roads of Lothian:
    To hypos they’re custodian.
    The Midlands are best,
    While Highlands are blessed
    With lots of lochs to stow pee in.

  • #8796

    Cecile
    Participant

    “A true tasteful girl with Type 1
    Should not flaunt her flavour, my son:
    Her highs and her lows,
    Her rank rotten toes
    Polite conversation should shun.”*

    *expressing opinion of recently terrestrial creature from the Devonian era

  • #8799

    Cecile
    Participant

    Make sure that your washing machine
    Can deal with a bloody cuisine
    Of molten pastilles
    And fingerprick spills
    If you’re a Type 1 that keeps clean.

  • #8805

    Cecile
    Participant

    A thrifty ‘betic vicar
    Reused his finger pricker:
    “Its drums aren’t cheap –
    I’d rather keep
    My cash…and buy some liquor*.”

    *or cigarettes, if you’re @teloz ;)

  • #8815

    Cecile
    Participant
  • #8823

    Cecile
    Participant

    An overindulgent Type Two
    Ingested too much fatty stew:
    “Good gracious, my paunch is
    Now bigger than haunches –
    I thought I was ram…am I ewe?”

  • #8833

    Cecile
    Participant

    There can’t be things much scarier
    Than sniffers of the derrière:
    Smell pabulum
    Along with bum
    If you’re a pumping terrier.

  • #8851

    Cecile
    Participant

    By means of a wishing machine
    It’s easy to stop your sweet pee’n…
    Just let Zoltar speak:
    Your “must-take-a-leak”
    Will no longer need a latrine.

  • #8870

    Cecile
    Participant

    A game of pump Monopoly
    Does always end quite sloppily.
    Because “good buy”
    Sounds like “goodbye”,
    Infusion becomes wobbly.

  • #8881

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic Nazi
    Prevented mixing parts…he
    Let no foreign
    Fluids pour in:
    His foot you’ll in this shot see.

  • #8888

    Cecile
    Participant

    When visiting a restaurant,
    Make sure you’ve got a breast implant*
    Of functional betas
    That guarantees eaters
    A steady stream to bear the brunt.

    *a new Medtronic device, the Mamma Mio, consisting of a Mamma (breast pump) and a Mio (infusion set)…now how’s that for paying tribute to 2 of Shoot Up’s pet obsessions? ;)

  • #8889

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diaMacbethic lady
    Found her bloody hands too weighty:
    She milked them bone dry,
    Their gore used as dye
    To pep up this bag by Katie.

  • #8892

    Cecile
    Participant

    To hack a pump, get ready
    And sharpen your machete…
    With some sure strokes
    And well-aimed pokes,
    You’ll cleave it like spaghetti.

  • #8901

    Cecile
    Participant

    Make sure your tum’s a washboard
    If subcut stuff’s to be poured.
    Check that it’s not
    A plump, soft cot
    That slowed down sauce ’til it snored.

  • #8911

    Cecile
    Participant

    If with a pump you snoozed
    ‘Cause with it banns you’ve used,
    Put your dear beau
    Into pillow,
    Or else you might get bruised.

  • #8916

    Cecile
    Participant

    By means of Diabete-o-Tron,
    All bother in a flash be gone…
    It won’t help to bolt:
    Its AI* assault
    Will knock you back like tea and scone.

    *Artificial Intelligence, that hopefully doesn’t turn AutoImmune

  • #8941

    Cecile
    Participant

    When eating bags of naartjies,
    You perhaps should chew some hard cheese:
    A lump of such
    Has fat that clutch
    And never utters carb gees.

  • #8946

    Cecile
    Participant

    This poem has got a complaint:
    Its _etas now _asically ain’t…
    So take of its “p
    And tip it…you’ll see
    A substitute that’s just as quaint.

  • #8969

    Cecile
    Participant

    Just hope that your partner’s invisible
    When you are in need of a fruit pastille,
    Else the DVLA
    You of licence might spay:
    Which leaves you sedan chair or bicycle.

  • #8979

    Cecile
    Participant

    The shape of your waves should portray
    Which foodstuffs you daily foray:
    A syrupy sarmie
    Will need a tsunami;
    Slight swell’s good for rhubarb sorbet.

  • #8987

    Cecile
    Participant

    A driver, whose glucose did dip,
    Is now in command of a ship:
    “What spruce submarine –
    It always stays clean…
    If only its fish came with chip.”

  • #9002

    Cecile
    Participant

    Your DUK does eDUKate
    By telling you to lose some…wait:
    Don’t have lots to byte,
    You will lose your site
    If you’ve bitten more than 8.

  • #9024

    Cecile
    Participant

    If you’ve had a close-to-nil low,
    You’ll be left with sodden pillow:
    To banish its sweat,
    Just bake it like bread
    ‘Til it’s toasted armadillo.

  • #9030

    Cecile
    Participant

    “Hey – lewd, licentious twerp!
    Your tubing you should curb…
    If you expose
    That dangling hose,
    You’ll puritans perturb.”

  • #9038

    Cecile
    Participant

    When islets Bees do demote,
    You’ll find a willing scapegoat
    In the PPS:
    “We gladly confess
    To not providing lifeboat.”

  • #9069

    Cecile
    Participant

    Does blood sugar play baritone?
    Chew pastilles to lift low-pitched groan,
    Until it becomes
    A tenor…those gums
    Should then in cuspidor be thrown.

  • #9126

    Cecile
    Participant

    A rhino always wrongly chose
    An alcohol swab to blow its nose…
    So shun boozy hankie:
    Your sites won’t go manky
    And horned to entice poaching foes.

  • #9131

    Cecile
    Participant

    There’s nothing so delicious
    As lovely low-carb dishes:
    You need the min.
    Of porce-lin
    When tucking in clay quiches.

  • #9154

    Cecile
    Participant

    A diabetic Android
    Became quite cross & annoyed:
    “You’ll need to shoot
    Up for such fruit
    ‘Til purse is left bare and void.”

  • #9168

    Cecile
    Participant

    Adrenals will awaken
    If you eat too much bacon
    Make sure your bites
    Are sans nitrites
    For safe, swinetic slakin’.

    @ladyupnorth, you are now obliged to try some bacon “sans nitrites” and inform us via limerick of what happened.

  • #9365

    Cecile
    Participant

    This day*, in 1922,
    A shot stopped Thompson’s trip to loo…
    That bovine slug
    Is now old drug:
    At present, we milk GM gnu.

    *11/01/12

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