If Apple did diabetes

By | 10 November, 2011
No, not that sort of apple!

No, not that sort of apple!

Following on from the moderately popular If Disney did diabetes post, I thought I’d take a look around to see what diabetes would be like if it was run by other leading brands.

I’m reliably told (by @Mike) that I am what’s known as an iPhobe. I possess no piece of equipment manufactured by Apple. Yet somehow, I still exist. It’s a miracle. Anyway, my lack of ownership doesn’t prevent me from having observed the market over the last few years and it got me wondering. What would life be like if Apple did diabetes…

  • Insulin as a name would be abhorrent to the brand and would therefore be renamed iSulin, only to be purchased from iDrugs kiosks
  • Pump operation would all be touch screen. Very sexy, but you will need a clean friend nearby when you’ve got hypostop gel all over your hands and want to lower your basal rate
  • Blood testing would be no more. Instead you would swipe your fingers over a patch of skin on our arm and then hold them up in front of you. The result would be projected out of the end of your fingers
  • All diabetes equipment would be a thing of beauty to be marvelled at and adored
  • Those things of beauty would also be outrageously expensive compared to most competitor models
  • It will become law to brandish said equipment in public at all times, no more hiding away to test and inject, oh no, you’ll be flaunting those iMeters on the tube, in the pub, round the supermarket
  • A bitter branding battle would break out as Rowntrees object violently to the proposed new iHypo treatment,  iFruitpastilles
  • Meters would look good and work most of the time as long as you hold them at the right angle, on a Tuesday, with a full moon (anyone remember the iPhone 4 aerial palaver?)
  • Diabetes would be less of a mental strain as there would be little time to worry about blood sugars. Most of the day would instead be spent arguing with Android diabetes fans about who’s tech is best
  • A whole sub species of suppliers would emerge dedicated to supplying funky accessories to complement your iMeter and iPen. http://www.stripykat.com/ is likely to be at the forefront of this particular revolution

But the really big thing about Apple doing diabetes is this – they’d look at it from a different angle, take a different approach, not just follow the trend. Now that would be really interesting. Any other suggestions?

Category: Living with diabetes Mildly amusing Tags:

About Alison

Diagnosed with Type One in 1983 at the age of four, Alison’s been at this for a while now. She uses Humalog in a combined insulin pump and continuous glucose monitoring system and any blood glucose meter as long as it takes five seconds or less.

7 thoughts on “If Apple did diabetes

  1. Annette A

    Actual ‘testing’ of the pump would be left to post market consumers, so it wouldnt be until the pump had been in operation for a few weeks that the battery life drain would be discovered to be a ‘software’ problem down to Apple itself…

  2. Annette A

    The ipump would be the best tool for the job. Provided, that is, you wanted it to do exactly and only what it was designed for, didnt want to do things slightly differently in any way just because it suited you, you fitted the Apple defined model of the diabetic, and never changed. (What, you dont need it to do A, because your symptoms are B? Then you’re wrong. We know best.)
    (Iphobe? Me? Whatever gave you that idea? 😉 )

  3. lizz

    Ah… now you see I am far from being an iphobe. Friend recently proved that buying a PC is about as expensive once you have added in all the things you get free with a mac.

    But I’m not going to argue too much, just as long as you lot aren’t too rude about my beloved. Or beloveds, I have multiples now as I do indeed love them so much. And a powerbook. And an ipad.

    I would buy any pump designed by apple like a shot of course, except it wouldn’t be like a shot, it’d be quite unlike a shot, or indeed any heretofore seen pump. It would be beautiful. It would be very reliable. It would be patient friendly. It would have features you didn’t know you needed but cannot do without once you have experienced them. Simple to use. TINY. Thin. Safe, and green – no more horrible plastic things you can’t recycle. No fire retardant. If I’m on fire I don’t care if my pump goes up also, I’d prefer to go together.

    Yes, bring it on!

    1. Evan

      You can’t do anything with a Mac that Apple doesn’t think you need to do. Thus why Windows is infinitely better.

      Actually, if MS made a pump, I might buy it. Even though it’d be super ugly.

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