17 September, 2010 at 3:40 pm #9877
= highest of all the artforms; thus (please, please join in with your own):
17 September, 2010 at 3:44 pm #11114
There was a young man with a blog
insulin was analogue
It’s not so strange
It’s hardly deranged
It’s just simply humalog
17 September, 2010 at 3:48 pm #11112
There was a young man from Brunei
friends would look at him awry
It’s not an affection
I must do my injection
It’s insulin and if I don’t I will die
17 September, 2010 at 3:49 pm #11113
There was a young man with diabetes
despite his many entreaties
Asked for a pump
Was told to take a running jump
He then took it up with his health board and local MP to little avail.
17 September, 2010 at 4:36 pm #11115
@tim Perhaps a new Video Blog episode??
17 September, 2010 at 4:45 pm #11116
In order to stay diabeteless,
should keep your urine melitless.
Shoot up day and night,
Give your test strips a sight
Or your frame will too soon become meatless.
17 September, 2010 at 5:53 pm #11117
If you wanted the idealised quantus
your long-acting insulin Lantus:
Hop onto the scale,
Take note of its tale
And quarter it all for your wantus.*
*when reading aloud, pronounce -us as a lingering snaily -sss
17 September, 2010 at 5:59 pm #11118
17 September, 2010 at 8:43 pm #11119
In Tim’s fridge, a bottle of onions
Annette a-drool into dustbins.
Don’t let her shoot up
With her spirited pump:
Those sour bulbs cause gastric oblivions!
17 September, 2010 at 9:17 pm #11120
A Type 2 diabetic called Terry
though hearthrugged & hairy,
With no hair on his top
His doses won’t stop
Going up without end…it is scary. ;-O
18 September, 2010 at 3:18 am #11123
18 September, 2010 at 7:31 am #11124
There once was a lad from Dundee
used MDI therapy
For a pump he did ask
Put his nurse to the task
But she just said ‘We’ll just wait and see…’
‘We’ll put your name down on the list.’
At this our young lad did get pissed.
So he wrote loads of letters
To his elders and betters
But he might just as well have knit mist.
So he waited, ’till cometh the day
When the call came ‘We’re happy to say’
Come November you’ll get
What you haven’t had yet
You pump finally is on its way!’
18 September, 2010 at 7:33 am #11125
Said a young lass from Indian Queens
in her quite early teens
‘On the bright side at least
I can legally feast
During schooltime on green jelly beans!’
18 September, 2010 at 7:34 am #11126
Once a jab, then a pen, now a pump
a pee test, now bloods – what a jump!
But advances aside
Highs and lows, far and wide
Bring us all down to earth with a bump!
18 September, 2010 at 8:03 am #11128
he! These are all excellent!
18 September, 2010 at 8:55 am #11129
A lady shot up in her bosom,
her lap was beset by a possum:
“It is always the best
To pin corsage to chest,
Or how else could you see that I blossom?”
18 September, 2010 at 9:27 am #11130
Lol! These are great! Love ’em
Just wish I had some skill with words :S
18 September, 2010 at 1:33 pm #11131
You really need little Apidra
you’re set on devouring a hydra.
The same doesn’t go
For a bundle of dough –
Else your pee will be yum for Candida.
18 September, 2010 at 3:49 pm #11132
18 September, 2010 at 4:04 pm #11133
Hyperglycaemia’s a bitch,
too long it gives you the itch,
Being hypo is worse
It’s a terrible curse,
‘Coz you just might wake up in a ditch.
18 September, 2010 at 4:29 pm #11134
Love the last one Terry!!
18 September, 2010 at 5:17 pm #11136
If a needle snaps off in your skin,
take a huge swig of gin.
No need for a squeeze
Or a pinch and a tweeze…
There’ll be space in that overfull bin.
18 September, 2010 at 7:43 pm #11140
When your pancreas packs up it’s true
comes out of the blue.
So it’s not such a sin
Putting insulin in,
For a pump though, you just have to queue.
19 September, 2010 at 12:53 am #11142
I’m fed up of needles and pins,
blood tests and big yellow bins,
But it really don’t matter
I’ve got even fatter,
And I’m still a T2 for me sins!
19 September, 2010 at 1:01 am #11143
I thought that the last Shoot Up poll
quaint and a little bit droll
But the answer to choose
Was to top all T2s
Now I daren’t even go for a stroll.
19 September, 2010 at 9:35 am #11144
Wow these are great but I’m rather impressed with @teloz these last few are brilliant!
19 September, 2010 at 10:58 am #11145
19 September, 2010 at 12:14 pm #11146
The USB Contour of Baery:
processes-itself little dairy –
With its rennety ilk
All your blood glucose milk
Is transformed into cheese (and some sherry).
19 September, 2010 at 12:16 pm #11147
19 September, 2010 at 12:22 pm #11148
19 September, 2010 at 12:42 pm #11149
All diabetic fairies and gnomes
lots of posh kit in their homes,
With meters and pumps
And garish sharps dumps,
Plus instructions that come in big tomes.
19 September, 2010 at 1:23 pm #11151
When you’re low, with your head in the loo;
up pint glasses of bitterish goo,
You’re still writing prosy
Second-rate bits of poesy
All because of that lurking and leering Type Two…
19 September, 2010 at 1:45 pm #11152
While poor @ckoei
is barfing her beer
I find it incredibly queer
That she still has the means
To write limericks in reams
‘Cos she thinks that I’m having a leer.
Us gnomes are much nicer than that
Her back needs a rub and a pat.
I’d help out if I could,
As anyone would,
But sadly I’m not where she’s at.
19 September, 2010 at 1:47 pm #11153
drifting off topic a bit now, but sod it, I’m having fun! My apologies to the Lord and Lady of the Blog.
19 September, 2010 at 1:58 pm #11154
19 September, 2010 at 3:28 pm #11155
19 September, 2010 at 5:04 pm #11156
If diabetes brings blackest despair,
Limerickan salvation is here:
After green jelly Queens
And Indian beans,
A barfing bonanza will bring up some cheer
Limericks might have some other medical significance: while lowing about quite a lot these last few days, I’ve noticed that when I’m going down, it becomes increasingly difficult to read the limericks rhythmically “right” (especially the lady with the bosom…) So if you don’t have CGM, keep these babies close at hand. And for hypers, you’ll have to start writing haikus )
19 September, 2010 at 8:45 pm #11159
20 September, 2010 at 7:33 am #11160
As the world becomes misty and my magnifier seems cracked,
salvete to “oxidation” and “binocular cataract”:
They’ll suck it all out
With a vacuuming snout,
Then shove in some plastic…argh, my chin hairs are stacked!!!
20 September, 2010 at 7:44 am #11162
Should they tickle my toes with a feather,
“moo!” and pull at my tether…
But the tuning fork’s ping
Makes nothing go zing –
So below I have ticklish & tone-deaf leather.
20 September, 2010 at 12:48 pm #11165
– I don’t know what happened, I did delete one of my less salubrious efforts, but I didn’t mean to castrate the dog. He’s now fully recovered!
An insulin pump is the best,
The bugger is never at rest.
With pretties and spanglies
It’s just the dog’s danglies
But of course, you still have to test.
21 September, 2010 at 11:05 am #11173
I’ve a hole in my finger again
if I’ve got one I’ve got ten.
Leaking blood by the litre
To feed that damned meter,
It gets very wearing y’ken!
21 September, 2010 at 6:25 pm #11177
22 September, 2010 at 8:56 am #11181
A sexy young diabetic nurse
“I know that testing’s a curse,”
But if you don’t test,
Your heart will arrest
And your last ride will be in a hearse!
22 September, 2010 at 9:18 am #11182
22 September, 2010 at 9:42 am #11183
Count Dracula* counts carbs
sinking his barbs
Into that sweet, sickly treat
Which is diabetic meat…
Until a week passes, and he’s discarded as sharps.
22 September, 2010 at 8:53 pm #11185
My genial goblin called Haem
always denied a sweet dream
By that bent upon jinn,
And her short & long-acting scheme.
23 September, 2010 at 2:19 am #11186
Ghaaaaaa! I’m sorry, I can’t help it!
neuropathy don’t really hurt
Or the drops of blood on my shirt
It’s the fact that my willy
Is now very silly,
It needs Cialis pills to get pert!
23 September, 2010 at 6:43 am #11187
Talking of pricks,
Just a roll of its barrel
And the old ones skedaddle;
With settings for deep or the slightest of snicks.
*Where “use” doesn’t imply self-gratification, though all of Accu-Chek’s repertoire resemble hobbit-dildos. My current favourite (as far as suggestive shape goes), is Bayer’s Ascencia Microlet – it looks like something you could shave your legs with, one hair at a time
23 September, 2010 at 2:28 pm #11188
You ladies just don’t know the half
dysfunction’s no laugh
In moments of passion
Dipping into one’s ration
Of pills that help stiffen the staff
24 September, 2010 at 12:11 pm #11192
we going off topic here a touch Terry?
24 September, 2010 at 4:53 pm #11194
– Well… sadly, it is diabetes related, diabetic neuropathy can be very cruel, and if my lewd little limericks can forewarn the younger men of the perils of poor control it would make me very happy. Let’s be honest, they’re only a tingey-whingey bit ribald.
Now… can I find two words to rhyme with neuropathy…
24 September, 2010 at 6:20 pm #11196
24 September, 2010 at 8:01 pm #11197
Bureaucracy? (As uttered by a Discworldian Igor…and have your brolly at the ready )
foot nerves to death go a-scurry
It feels like your foot’s full of curry.
Will soothingly clean
All feeling of fire in a hurry*.
*Make that about 3 weeks. A few months later, the affected neurons will be as dead as doornails and as @teloz says, “neuropathy don’t really hurt”…but it does kill the albatross!
25 September, 2010 at 7:52 am #11198
Terry – I should have realised your limerick was a cautionary, salutary and somewhat chilling tale. You’re like the Ancient Mariner of the diabetes world!
25 September, 2010 at 9:59 am #11199
26 September, 2010 at 3:47 am #11200
“Since then, at an uncertain hour,
And till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.
I pass, like night, from land to land;
I have strange power of speech;
That moment that his face I see,
I know the man that must hear me:
To him my tale I teach.”
(The Rime of the Ancient Mariner; Samuel Taylor Coleridge)
Damn that albatross; I can stand the smell, but the maggots drive me crazy!
26 September, 2010 at 8:54 am #11201
26 September, 2010 at 8:32 pm #11202
It is an ancient diabetic
he stoppeth one in three
‘By thy cold grey toes and failing eyes,
Have you a pump for me?’
The doctor’s doors are opened wide
He is the next one in,
So down he sits, and then lets rip,
Give me some insulin!
26 September, 2010 at 9:43 pm #11203
My Autoimmune-Team’s Mr. Ts
mean to my pancreatic Bs:
They were smashed & bashed
And phagocytically stashed;
For their graves, I got pots of sweet Ps.
27 September, 2010 at 7:00 am #11204
Toes that are lost to gangrene
the nastiest thing that I’ve seen,
But reduction in heat
Kills the fungus on feet,
So not all news is bad it would seem.
27 September, 2010 at 7:57 am #11205
27 September, 2010 at 3:38 pm #11206
Re “reduction in heat”,
If a bride/groom’s feet has to be cold
To keep all those microbes on hold,
Diabetics can’t marry,
In limbo they’ll tarry,
Or give up a limb if they fold?
(or they can wash their feet in a lukewarm & weak saline solution to bugger up infective single cells’ osmotic balance…and live happily&cosy-toed ever after )
30 September, 2010 at 3:11 pm #11230
There was a diabetic named Tim
view of pump funding was dim
They told him to wait
His health left to fate
But at least he’s got a cannula in!
30 September, 2010 at 7:47 pm #11233
1 October, 2010 at 6:05 pm #11243
“As big as an egg” is the carby portion
held as standard when stuffing starch in:
But would this ovum be able to fit
In the egg-pipe of ostrich or that of a tit…
Or is it pushed out by some chicken contortion?
2 October, 2010 at 10:27 am #11246
The stuff that we now use to bolus
rather inclined to go solus.
Where the oldies ring-a-rosied,
The new ‘uns won’t be posied:
They tiff and rush off to where a hole* is.
2 October, 2010 at 11:05 am #11247
Lingering Lantus piles into a scrum
loosens up daylong, to ruck, then to crumb;
While the Levemir-bantling is best tucked away
In the bosom of Al* for its 12-hourly stay…
Though both “rugby” & “baby” are a pain** in the bum.
**Especially if injected straight from fridge
3 October, 2010 at 11:14 pm #11252
At dawn, glycaemic doors are thrown ajar –
gallops enough glucose to make a Mars Bar.
To herd it all in
To pastures of green,
You’ll need an insulin whip (and sugar lumps, if you go too far).
4 October, 2010 at 10:40 pm #11256
While watching the telly, and there’s two Doctors Whos –
not necessarily drinking litres of booze,
One might rightly presume
Without pricking a thumb,
That one’s sweetness is TARDISing towards temperate twos…
6 October, 2010 at 9:53 pm #11274
If you yearn for an insulin Sten
resembles a transvestite peahen,
Just nab a few feathers
And glue them to leathers
With which to dress up your old Autopen.
7 October, 2010 at 4:13 pm #11282
When you pump, you’re bound to get you tubed
asleep and your neck becomes belooped:
To get out of that spot
Of Gordian knot,
Use a sword, but beware of having head cubed!
11 October, 2010 at 3:46 pm #11314
There was a young woman with high
sugars, and so she would die
But with Medical Support
And DAFNE self taught
She might diabetes defy!!
11 October, 2010 at 3:50 pm #11315
get better! We should publish them in book form and donate the profits to a massive Shoot Up booze fund!
11 October, 2010 at 5:59 pm #11317
Shoot Up’s sottish, head snorting swign
to use us to buy Scottish whine!
Please cook up his trotters
With fried green tomotters,
‘Cause choccies&cheese are much more divyne…
12 October, 2010 at 9:20 am #11321
There was a young lady, Cecile,
carb counted before every meal
Despite insulin flowing
She knew where her blood sugars were going
Thanks to Tim, and his ContourUSB deal!!
12 October, 2010 at 10:38 am #11323
Shoot Up’s a wonderful blog
tries to cut through the fog;
It has members who’re numerous,
Articles that are humorous,
And a mod who’s a diabetic dog.
12 October, 2010 at 11:25 am #11325
21 October, 2010 at 11:26 pm #11367
26 October, 2010 at 6:07 pm #11444
The pancreatic god SusAnthony*
split into 2 below the knee:
While Su sugars on,
Ant’s footing has gone,
So it’s better to worship our BrownFinney.
*For the sake of Calvinistic monotheism & limerickan rhythm, Susan (Sugar upping sauce after nilpermouth/glucagon) and Anthony (Anti-honey/insulin) had to be fused… and stuff somatostatin!
27 October, 2010 at 12:40 pm #11449
27 October, 2010 at 2:05 pm #11450
I am in awe of so many literary masterpieces. It seems that all the energy saved by not producing any insulin has been diverted to the creative genius part of your brains. I never dreamt you could shoehorn diabetes into quite so many limericks!
27 October, 2010 at 2:37 pm #11456
You still owe us at least 27 – all Shoot Up members are obliged to write as many limericks/haiku(s) as years since they’ve been diagnosed (and those who’ve had it for less than 20 yrs are bound by their genetic propensity to go back to their conception…so one poem will only have to be 9/12 or 3/4 of a full one )
27 October, 2010 at 2:40 pm #11457
27 October, 2010 at 3:35 pm #11463
27 October, 2010 at 3:49 pm #11464
27 October, 2010 at 4:22 pm #11467
She’s off! (you’ll have to bash your own bow with a champagne bottle)…31 to go – and no one’s yet mentioned Fruit Pastilles (or the dangers of Chinese dumplings)
27 October, 2010 at 5:46 pm #11468
Some say that Rowntrees Fruit Pastilles
the cure to all of life’s ills
When your brain’s full of typos
And you know that you’re hypo
It’s time to reach for those sugar-rush pills
27 October, 2010 at 7:34 pm #11469
Okay, it’s not a limerick, but…
TO A NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETIC
When your numbers keep on climbing
And your thirst wont go away
If your vision goes all blurry
Then you’re hyper on that day.
If you feel a little shaky
Once your levels start to drop
If your brain won’t think in straight lines
Glucose will, the hypo, stop.
Once your HBAs are stable
At a number close to 6
When your post meals levels hover
Close to 8, you’ve found the fix!
When your food intake and dosage
Of the insulin you need
Have been tested, checked and sorted
You’re in charge – you take the lead!
Soon you’ll know as much as they do
If you do your research well
Your control will be in your hands
– go and give those ‘experts’ hell!
28 October, 2010 at 7:54 pm #11476
31 October, 2010 at 1:04 pm #11482
As genetic hairdos get shaped in the womb,
HLA-genes are missed by the comb.
Sooner or later,
You’re a self-protein hater,
And the gel ignites (of the Type 1 bomb).
3 November, 2010 at 9:10 am #11493
The day Immune System starts driving a car,
glandular bits* will get smacked to the tar.
You’d think the DVLA
Would have something to say,
Yet the IS is immune – it’s really bizarre!
*in the case of organ-specific autoimmunity (like T1 diabetes)
8 November, 2010 at 6:20 pm #11534
10 November, 2010 at 9:04 am #11537
A sili nun named Su-Lin In
such a luni sin:
She flirted with some antibodies,
Let them in where only God is.
This sin has done you in*, Su-Lin…
*Have mercy! Poor thing was set on the road of debauchery after her beta-cell convent was invaded & destroyed by a mob of autoreactive T-cells
10 November, 2010 at 9:21 am #11538
10 November, 2010 at 10:26 am #11539
Engelbert makes my
Sitting there against Tim’s shirt,
In summer’s heat…
Rip off that tweed:
Don tank top and a miniskirt!
10 November, 2010 at 1:25 pm #11540
12 November, 2010 at 2:11 am #11545
13 November, 2010 at 7:10 pm #11554
14 November, 2010 at 8:37 am #11559
15 November, 2010 at 4:57 pm #11561
18 November, 2010 at 9:34 am #11574
To cauterize leaky, retinal veins,
a swamp dragon’s not-too-hot flames:
To temper its heat,
Feed it chilli that’s sweet,
Or your ears might start puffing like steam-engined trains…
18 November, 2010 at 12:29 pm #11578
Most pumpers’ desideratum’s a clip
in a blink onto bloomers can slip.
A belted bikini?
If your name’s Mussolini…
And while marching, you need extra grip.
21 November, 2010 at 7:29 am #11591
An injection-objector, Blob Chick,
“Your penning has made me feel sick!”
Though her public tooth-picking-
Have conjured up loads of reciprocal ick…
24 November, 2010 at 11:01 pm #11632
27 November, 2010 at 7:44 pm #11647
After weeks of being tectonic drift’s guest,
BGs start climbing a hormonal crest:
As plates collide,
Peaks & troughs coincide;
Pancake planes get crumpled up and there’s nEverest.
1 December, 2010 at 1:52 pm #11653
Glycaemic’ly speaking, some feasts can be taXing:
so much to eat that is sweet & climaXing.
Pigging out in this way,
You might lose limbs in the fray,
And end up as boar’s head…with an apple…relaXing.
3 December, 2010 at 10:57 pm #11669
My BGs have got writer’s block:
block block block block block.
Block block block block block bloc,
Block block block block block bloc…
Block block block block block block block block!
It looks like a neat & stable 5 high…just wish I could get some writer’s mortar, too –
they’re so easily flattened to the floor or piled into towering heaps without it.
3 December, 2010 at 11:31 pm #11670
I’m really worried by Wally,
think she’s dropped off her trolley.
Making limerick waste
Using copy and paste,
No wonder she’s not very jolly!
Oooooops! Duly edited to reflect the true gender of Wally. My sincere apologies!
3 December, 2010 at 11:42 pm #11671
You have to feel proud of Cecile
poems have lots of appeal.
Sometimes they don’t scan
As a limerick can
But she writes them with unstinting zeal.
4 December, 2010 at 10:13 am #11672
4 December, 2010 at 12:44 pm #11674
4 December, 2010 at 3:05 pm #11677
4 December, 2010 at 9:58 pm #11678
My long suffering diabetes nurse
“Your vascular system’s perverse!
When I try to get blood
It’s like syphoning mud,
It’s enough to make a bloody nurse curse!”
4 December, 2010 at 10:07 pm #11679
Nursie got very upset
the last lot of blood that she let.
Was eight point six-three
She said, “How bloody daft can you get?”.
4 December, 2010 at 10:31 pm #11680
Cathy my nice DSN
not very happy with men.
When she sticks in the needle
She turns really evil,
And pokes ’round again and again.
5 December, 2010 at 7:32 am #11681
5 December, 2010 at 9:37 pm #11686
9 December, 2010 at 9:40 am #11694
While shovelling snow up north,
your basals to halfpennyworth…
Or you might end up low,
Then scooped up by a plough
And tossed in the Firth of Forth.
11 December, 2010 at 4:15 am #11715
11 December, 2010 at 9:22 pm #11716
Diabetics with high blood sugars
quite tasty for sweet toothed cougars.
Just remind them to brush:
Such sweetmeaty mush
Is catastrophic for feline chewers.
12 December, 2010 at 1:11 am #11720
Gnomey has got a new meter,
not really very much neater
Than the old Compact Plus
That’s the size of a bus
And sucks up his blood by the litre.
12 December, 2010 at 7:58 am #11721
Terry’s new, colossal Cmpct +
as thirsty as I once was
Drinking Coke in big doses…
Perhaps its BGs do ten surpass?
12 December, 2010 at 10:38 pm #11726
13 December, 2010 at 1:21 pm #11727
Those ladies hooked up to a pump
get a bit of a hump;
Their hoses in tangles
With bracelets and bangles
They come back to earth with a thump.
13 December, 2010 at 2:56 pm #11728
Female penis envy is dead,
after our gonads instead.
Are now here to greet us
Can men ever sleep safe in their bed?
13 December, 2010 at 3:05 pm #11729
13 December, 2010 at 3:30 pm #11730
Misogynistic limericks aside
just fill me with pride.
We men just can’t tell,
With our single brain cell,
The compassionate nature you hide.
13 December, 2010 at 6:00 pm #11731
In the ruthless world of limericks
no sweetness or big, cheesy winks
For the sake of a rhyme,
There’ll be many a crime:
Like “camembert” & “preserved figs”*.
*another one of those dishes of death that is dastardly difficult to bolus for…
13 December, 2010 at 6:36 pm #11732
14 December, 2010 at 1:21 am #11733
I’m glad I don’t live in SA
see our Cecile every day.
Her vast intellect
Makes me feel so henpecked
I’d eventually wither away.
14 December, 2010 at 1:28 am #11734
One hundred and thirty nine posts
be a surprise to our hosts.
in these modern times
Must be worth any number of toasts!
14 December, 2010 at 1:46 am #11735
It’s really quite easy to fall
the prospect of losing a ball;
To beat diabetes
It’s easy to see these
As objects of useful recall.
14 December, 2010 at 10:25 am #11736
Tim’s diabetic top tip
get Engelbert driving your ship
At first he injected
But now that’s rejected
And now they are joined at the hip.
14 December, 2010 at 11:55 am #11737
14 December, 2010 at 12:10 pm #11738
14 December, 2010 at 1:45 pm #11739
14 December, 2010 at 10:26 pm #11745
When inserting sensing bits in your blubber,
be in need of a lard-cleaving grubber:
If you have no harpoon,
You can sharpen a spoon –
With which you also can shovel in your supper.
15 December, 2010 at 9:17 am #11747
My BGs are such unruly kids:
to stay safe & sound in the mids,
But they’re drawn like dog hairs
To carpeted stairs –
Up and down all day long…foolish gits!
15 December, 2010 at 1:45 pm #11757
My BGs drive me up the wall
they upwardly climb & downwardly fall.
For their ups, there is insulin;
For their downs, I put sweeties in…
So Humpty’s got a mattress* and a mound, few bricks tall.
*made of marshmallow
15 December, 2010 at 4:11 pm #11758
Diabetes is an interminable test
overs never over and no rest.
Armed with insulin bat
And glucose bowled fast* at that,
You can but hope that the pitch is the best**.
*& slow, you never know with a bowler who varies pace
**not for bowlers, though…
15 December, 2010 at 4:35 pm #11759
Comparing diabetes to cricket
clever you know, just the ticket!
The analogy’s sound
For the merry-go-round
With the needle and just where to stick it.
15 December, 2010 at 4:43 pm #11761
The buttock, the belly, the thigh,
choice makes me waver and sigh
I know that the needle
Is not really evil
But when it hurts me I just wonder why.
15 December, 2010 at 5:49 pm #11764
Diabetic gnomes have such sensitive feelers:
mossies can make them turn squealers.
If what you hear sounds appalling
(Like soprano bagpipes caterwauling),
They’d much rather shoot up than go mealless.
16 December, 2010 at 8:59 am #11769
Chirping on in crickety vein:
can also use glucose as willowy swat
To dab at balls bowled by the insulin squad:
With basals as spinners
And fast bolus* winners,
Your wickets will go low, shot or no shot.
16 December, 2010 at 5:11 pm #11773
Those horrible, nasty T2s
taking much more than their dues.
All that posh insulin
That they’re pumping in
Should be left for the others to use.
16 December, 2010 at 5:14 pm #11774
To save costs in our great NHS
must give the T2s something less.
Putting them on strict diets
Won’t cause any riots,
But it won’t help to sort out the mess.
17 December, 2010 at 6:36 am #11781
In order to kick an infusion set goal,
Gerrard to make you a hole.
Just hope that your lard
Is not van der Sarred
And that your cannula darts in like Joe Cole.
17 December, 2010 at 8:23 am #11782
For a game of diabetic darts,
your stomach without triple parts:
Protect your bull’s eye with glasses
To prevent umbilic trespasses;
Put a score of 10* or less on the cards.
*for kidneys’ sake
18 December, 2010 at 8:14 pm #11787
Tim’s Shoot Up review of the year
is nothing to fear;
Written so quick
With his digital Bic,
Once read it runs out of your ear.
18 December, 2010 at 8:23 pm #11788
Good old Diabetes UK
has plenty to say
About things diabetic
And lives so frenetic
It’s best if you do as they say.
18 December, 2010 at 8:27 pm #11789
Some people would say that it’s sad
Gnomey alone in his pad
Writing crap limericks
To get all his kicks
As if rhyming was all that he had.
18 December, 2010 at 8:35 pm #11790
With lantus my flab is awash
large dollops of dosh
That the poor NHS
I have to confess
Could use to buy clerks orange squash.
18 December, 2010 at 8:43 pm #11791
Five needles a day is the norm
or seven if my blood’s out of form
Add the holes from the lancets
That make me do dance steps
Diabetes just goes down a storm!
18 December, 2010 at 11:28 pm #11793
Those nasty NHS top brass
been wasting dough on orange squash & cars.
Now they’re withholding Lantus
To make their patients sweet as Fantas,
Then sold & served in vampiric bars.
18 December, 2010 at 11:49 pm #11794
The holiday season is here
time all diabetics fear.
When you know that mince pies
Can ruin your eyes
And your kidneys, it’s perfectly clear.
18 December, 2010 at 11:54 pm #11795
If nakedness floats your boat
around sans your coat
Just watch your blood glucose
And membranes that are mucose
Or your DSN bites out your throat!
19 December, 2010 at 7:41 am #11796
In the case of diabetes,
cursed & blessed are sweeties:
When high, you must stop;
When low, stuff your gob
Or you’ll end up not too sure of where your feet is.
19 December, 2010 at 8:32 am #11797
On days when your poor feet are numb
easy to end on your bum.
To slide and to slip,
To stumble and trip,
It’s really not very much fun.
19 December, 2010 at 11:39 am #11798
19 December, 2010 at 12:47 pm #11800
Those Crocs are really ideal
protecting feet that can’t feel
The reduction in pain
Is a positive gain
When you know that they won’t ever heal.
19 December, 2010 at 1:45 pm #11801
19 December, 2010 at 10:29 pm #11802
Wherever the nice T1s lead
their minuscule insulin need
The T2s will foller
In profligate squalor
Drinking gallons and gallons, like mead.
19 December, 2010 at 10:58 pm #11803
With sweet blood & high blood pressure,
a hot bath for your pleasure:
You’ll be cooking some jam
Without* “wham!” or a “bam!” –
And be prized as well-preserved treasure.
*thanks to holes made by injections/infusions/lancets
20 December, 2010 at 1:33 am #11804
I’m actually beginning to see
Cecile is competing with me,
Each diabetic story
Is for limerick glory,
We’re both just sad as can be.
20 December, 2010 at 3:41 am #11805
Limericks aren’t supposed to be flaunt lit:
throwing down of the verbal gauntlet…
These long-distance strolls
Through diabetic dust bowls
Were meant to be jolly & frolicking jaunt* lit(?)
*Of course, you’re going to have to get rid of those cumbersome, concrete clonkers and clap on Crocs (after slipping out of scratchy, sad sackcloth**)
**This is a not very subtle challenge to see who can compose the most alliterative limerick…and I urge other members to join the fray – we’ll need a sizable army to conquer @teloz on that front
20 December, 2010 at 3:54 pm #11806
My BGs are blooming bumbling bees,
crank out honey, ’cause they’ve lost the keys:
Niggling insulin’s nigh
So glucagon has gone shy;
Fall down the flue to bounce* back to your knees.
*compliments of adrenaline
21 December, 2010 at 12:17 am #11808
Alliterative limericks lack lustre
with bravado and bluster.
Rough, rollicking rhymes
On euphemistic enzymes,
Many more than a mad man might muster.
21 December, 2010 at 6:32 am #11809
After autoimmune assasination
bulging betas (by bashing them thin),
Your T-cells can’t cope
With the D they’ve dished up:
Every tea time, enneedle & eat the min*.
*minimum…or mince pies
21 December, 2010 at 2:39 pm #11810
21 December, 2010 at 3:09 pm #11811
Footnotes are a terrible way
explain what your rhyme has to say
If you can’t get the metre
With alpha and beta
You might as well not try and play.
21 December, 2010 at 3:21 pm #11812
A limerick’s rhythm is fixed
traditions that can’t be unmixed
Though tweaks are allowed
You can’t fool the crowd
So the ones that don’t work are just nixed.
21 December, 2010 at 3:27 pm #11813
This blog is a wonderful model
new diabetics to toddle
Through DMI doses
To pumps and their hoses
Without lots of ignorant twaddle.
21 December, 2010 at 7:24 pm #11814
Alliterative Angels and
Hosts all Holding Hands
Carb-count carols ‘cross the land.
21 December, 2010 at 7:32 pm #11815
Deck the halls with dratted holly
that really arent so jolly
leaves that prick
without test strips
Isnt it just bloody folly?
21 December, 2010 at 7:43 pm #11816
It’s unfair, you’ve got an alliterative name & surname!
From Queen Victoria’s ball,
You’ll make an enormous haul
Of pancreatic betas
With which they can treat us
To prevent our il&merickal fall.
I know, I know, I don’t refer to anything in the text above, but as footnote I was extremely affronted by @teloz‘s unwelcoming words…I thought that for diabetes limericks, we might indicate that they weren’t amputees?
21 December, 2010 at 8:43 pm #11817
I’m off to make scones with lemonade & cream:
as “fast” as an Analog Insulin stream…
But their stay in the oven
Really is a dozen,
Not like Ana’s thirty-supposed-to-be-fifteem.
22 December, 2010 at 10:08 am #11818
A kamikaze kangaroo
Lantussed & ‘Logged into the loo.
Could a Medtronic model
With neat, nifty noddle
Our ‘opper obstetricize out of the poo?
22 December, 2010 at 5:57 pm #11819
Pachyderms who pump, get pierced with a porcpin:
queasy quilting-with-a-quill is quartan.
The range* includes “Rhino”
And slender, svelte “Spino“;
If their tummies are tallowed, it might take a tall ‘un.
*currently available are “Porcupine” (middling), “Rhino”(robust), “Spino”(lengthy), “Sugarbird”(ideal for hyperglycaemic fine artists) and “Kudu”(if you’re kinky)