While it may appear that the pump has made a remarkable difference to my control – for fear of slightly bigging myself up here – actually if I’m honest, I think it’s been just as much to do with my attitude to my control of late. The 2 have gone hand in hand.
I got into a vicious circle of trying hard, seeing only small improvements, so not bothering for a bit, seeing things get worse, feeling guilty, making an effort, seeing only small improvement so giving up again etc etc
I hated sitting there in the clinic waiting room – I felt jealous of all the other patients, assuming every one of them must have better control than me (not helped by a consultant who would tell me endlessly that this was the case – Liar!) and I never engaged in any of this forum reading/ researching other actual real experience, or engaging with other diabetic types!!! Cos I’d just feel guilty for not being as good as you all, and jealous that I couldn’t achieve perfect BGs like all yours!!
After the scare of laser eye surgery, I saw the opportunity to go on a pump as a chance to wipe the slate and start from scratch with my control (and attitude). I’ve thrown everything at learning about pumping, me and my diabetes and how it all fits together and what I’ve finally managed to learn most is that I’m never going to ‘tick’ diabetes off any list!
My recent HbA1c of 6.7% is testiment to how the pump can help – at long last it seems the pump is allowing me to get some reward for my efforts but it’s definately as much about the person as it is the ‘tools’ available (or not available, in some cases) to help.
No one is perfect and living with diabetes, T1 or T2, is a bloody pain in the arse!