The great diabetes conspiracy

By | 3 May, 2011

I have a theory. I think we pancreatically challenged types are all taking part in a great conspiracy. I think diabetes is actually pretty easy to live with and we’re just pretending it’s a pain in a feeble attempt to gain attention and sympathy.

Following years of dedicated experimentation and meticulous observation I believe that I have this diabetes thing sussed. It’s simple. I need to make a few minor adjustments to my life and my control will be perfect. I just need to eradicate:


Category: Mildly amusing

About Alison

Diagnosed with Type One in 1983 at the age of four, Alison's been at this for a while now. She uses Humalog in a combined insulin pump and continuous glucose monitoring system and any blood glucose meter as long as it takes five seconds or less.

11 thoughts on “The great diabetes conspiracy

  1. Tim

    Isn’t this what they did before the discovery of insulin? I think gentle embroidery from a chaise longe in a quiet room was the activity of choice before a lingering death pre-1922 😀

  2. Alison Post author

    Ah, but I’m not eradicating insulin, so this would be a lingering existance, rather than a lingering death. To be honest, I’m not sure which is preferable!

  3. Kaitake

    Haha, this is actually a bit of a running joke in our family 😛

  4. lizz

    I practice the lingering life approach, or have done for a long, long time, especially whilst pregnant! I did try working with my friend who happens to be a Dr, but spent all the time either going to the loo or unable to focus my eyes… so resigned myself to spending my time working from my controllable home!

    Oh, I would like a holiday. We went to France once, and spent 6 weeks in Canada for my OH’s work. Both times were very hard, and it causes trouble, because the continuous ups and downs associated with such a change make me irritable, paranoid, unadventurous, tired…

    It’s our 30th wedding anniversary in June and OH wants to go to Paris… but I don’t want to!

  5. Annette A

    @tim – you’d be amazed at how stressful embroidery can be, you know…when you have a fistful of coloured threads, all of which are varying shades of blue, and you have to match sky blue and sea blue and azure and navy and mid blue and dark blue and on and on…
    You’d also have to eradicate proteins (cos large amounts cause BGs to go up). Cabbage soup, basically. I’m thinking, wouldn’t lack of exercise also cause BGs to rise? Due to gradual insulin resistance rising? So you’d have to have a very measured amount of gentle exercise each day. And no media of any kind, because the excitement of seeing a drama on TV or reading about life outside the bubble might be enough to raise stress/hormone levels. So sitting on a chair in the middle of the room with no outside influences at all should just about do it, maybe getting up and walking around the chair twice a day.

    1. Cecile

      Rather replace chair with @lizz‘s rebounder…though that’s now associated with @teloz‘s tassles, so it might be a trifle too exciting 🙂

  6. Mike

    Love it Alison! Though you missed the vaguaries of liver output.

    Personally I’m currently experimenting with a technique of drinking heavily everyday so that it’s too busy chugging through alcohol to bother me with random massive (or non-existent) bouts of glucagon/glycogen release.

  7. Alison Post author

    @Annette By combining our plans I think we could make a fortune from this new approach to diabetes care.

    @Mike Brilliant idea, dealing with the liver through distraction, love it!

  8. Donald Thomson

    I’ve heard that decapitation cures absolutely every disease & ailment known to man . . .

    @Mike. Only problem with that approach is the cost, unless you can get whisky & beer on prescription now?

  9. Hairy Gnome

    Absolutely brilliant @Alison, all the walls would have to be painted white though. However, as an alternative I have a very sharp modelling knife, and I know just where the veins are in my wrists, so maybe it would become more bearable… 😆 Only the constant display of twirling tassels could save me. 😆

  10. Lesley from

    Surely the cure for self-poisoning with ketoacidosis would be total removal of the circulatory system?


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