More whinging from Alison’s pump

By | 3 March, 2011

Never one to look on the bright side of life, my pump continues its series of whinges about how awful I am to live with and how terrible life is for a pump  along with the inevitable feeble threat to sell my secrets to the world. It’s pitiful, it really is…

I’m not a happy pump. She’s up to something. I know my 4th birthday is just around the corner and I’m starting to think my present will be a cardboard box and a stamp to ship me back to where I came from. The end is nigh dear friends, I’m facing the final curtain, I don’t have much longer to spend on this mortal planet… [you’re a machine, get a grip or I’m going to remove your batteries – Alison]

I don't look bad for a 4 year old if I do say so myself

She thinks that because I can’t see the computer screen from where I sit on her waistband, I don’t know that she’s googling my potential replacements. She’s wrong. I can hear her betrayal in the sound of every key stroke as she’s emailing companies about their latest gizmo and when it will be available. 

Apparently I’m not good enough anymore. At 4 years old, I can’t be trusted not to keel over at any moment so my warranty won’t be renewed. And of course, madam feels she needs a pump and CGM that’s even more whizz bang than me. One with more types of CGM alarms – I can tell you now that they’ll never last, they’ll do her head in within hours and she’ll be looking for the off switch. One with smaller basal rates – I like to think of myself as generous but she finds me a bit too heavy handed at times, apparently a gentle touch is needed when adjusting basals and I’m just not in touch enough with my inner-pump to meet her sensitive requirements

For now though, I’ll continue with my faithful servitude until that fateful day arrives. I won’t walk off the job like that selfish pancreas did.  Oh no, I’ll keep going until the new interloper arrives. And while I’m doing that, I am open to offers to spill all of Alison’s secrets. There isn’t much that’s happened over the last 4 years that I’ve not had a ring side seat for. Secrets will be shared subject to an appropriate donation to my retirement fund.

Category: Kit & equipment Mildly amusing Tags: ,

About Alison

Diagnosed with Type One in 1983 at the age of four, Alison's been at this for a while now. She uses Humalog in a combined insulin pump and continuous glucose monitoring system and any blood glucose meter as long as it takes five seconds or less.

13 thoughts on “More whinging from Alison’s pump

  1. Annette A

    So, the question is, what uses are there for a retired pump? Once it’s stopped pumping out the pancreatine, to what other use could it’s innards be put, thus guarenteeing a long and happy life?
    It could drip feed a very very small pet, perhaps – a waterbottle with attitude?
    Or its alarms could be re-wired to be an alarm clock or oven timer or stopwatch of some kind?

  2. Tim

    It could be re-purposed to dispense a few mmol/l’s of vodka per hour into your system.

  3. Annette A

    @Tim – what good is a few mmol/l’s? A little rewiring and an additional tube to a hipflask would be needed for a good dose, methinks 🙂 (You know, like you get fridgefreezers that plumb into the mains water so they always provide cold water/ice without you having to refill.)

  4. Alison Post author

    This sounds like a very interesting plan. If we’re infusing alcohol the taste doesn’t matter, so why not go for meths? It’s far cheaper, in fact when I was diagnosed they gave us a big bottle of it on prescription to clean my skin prior to injecting – thankfully the parents didn’t use it otherwise I’d have skin like an elephant by now.

  5. Hairy Gnome

    Ooooh @Alison! You wouldn’t want to use meths, all that nasty blue dye, surgical spirit would be so much better! I would probably opt for caffeine though rather than alcohol.

    I wonder if I could reconfigure it for constant fertilizer delivery for my favourite toadstool? 😛

  6. lizz

    I love my Cozmo so much I will have to go into a period of mourning for at least 3 months. I shall only wear black pants, bra, pump holder and an arm band. It will be put in a clean drawer with my first Minimed, on a silk cushion, in amongst things I need every day, so we can still remain in contact. Before I shut the drawer after the initial ceremony, and after I have kissed it tenderly on its sweet green face, I will hum ‘For I – I – I will always love you-oo-oo-oo.

  7. Alison Post author

    @Lizz No wonder my pump is so grumpy, it appears I don’t pamper it anywhere near as much as I should!

    @Teloz You’ve spotted my lack of knowledge around cheap alcohol substitutes, now you mention it, it was surgical spirit we got on prescription, not meths. I wouldn’t know what basal rate to start dripping it in at though.

  8. Hairy Gnome

    @Lizz – “I shall only wear black pants, bra, pump holder and an arm band.” Erm… isn’t it still a little chilly to be going out dressed like that Liz? My grubby little mind paints a wonderful picture, but I don’t think the look will go down too well in the local supermarket! Still, it’s only for three months… 😀

    1. lizz

      Lol, well, I meant I shall wear those UNDER my clothes. To mourn in private. I shan’t expect sympathy or anyone else to understand… *wells up*


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