Following on from last week’s post about a diabetes-related musical, my chum Dave took it upon himself to sketch out a rough draft for a plot. Therefore for your enjoyment, fun and entertainment I present the first draft of:
Diabetes: The Musical
Or “A spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down”.
Act the First
Power-crazy, evil banker ditches lovely girlfriend Mindy for sharp-dressing power-mad tart Sadistica. [Song: “(I’m) No Sweetheart” – think Big Spender but evil, by evil banker.]
Evil banker then has ex-girlfriend sacked by devious means to get her away from and to assuage his guilt. He then gets his new girlfriend Mindy’s old job.
But what’s this? The dastardly fiend suddenly finds he needs to pee a lot and feels tired. He collapses. [Song: “Pancreatic Overdrive” – Sort of rocky, Pink Floyd paranoia number]
Act the Second
Power crazy banker is diagnosed with diabetes… He can’t believe it. He struggles to come to terms with what has happened to him [Song: Doctor explains in song – “That’s Diabetes”].
Ex-girlfriend, who can’t help but care, meanwhile, is down on her luck. Things start to go wrong – banker struggles to maintain his blood glucose while maintaining his evil lifestyle. To make matters worse, the evil Sadistica is plotting against him to try and take his job. [Song:”Insulin Dependent Blues”]
The evil Sadistica succeeds in taking his job. In a mad state of despair, banker goes completely of the rails and has a hypo late at night walking through a bus station [Song: a bit of Wagner here).
Act the Third
The lovely ex girlfriend Mindy is selling lucky heather in the bus station, and sees all. Having spent the last six months living in a hospice, she is familiar with the signs of diabetic collapse. [Song: “Mindy” – sung by chorus, a rewrite of “Wendy” by the Beach Boys, then a racy Who-type number by Mindy “He wants Candy”]
Running to WH Smiths, she steals some Lucozade and forces it between his lips. Sitting by his bedside in hospital, she waits for him to come round. He pours out his woes and begs forgiveness. Eventually, she grants it, and helps him put his life on an even keel. [Song: “When I’m Comatose” to the tune of When I’m 64]
Act the Fourth
In a final moment of salvation, the reformed banker lays a trap for the power-mad ex-girlfriend Sadistica. She falls for it and is sacked and humiliated by the bank.
The banker is offered his job back, but explains that it’s no longer his world and that he has a new role to play now, helping children come to terms with diabetes and working pro bono to raise money for diabetic sufferers and defend them against medical companies and those who would wish to do them down. Lots of diabetics (some blind, some with missing feet) run/hobble/are led onto stage for the final number. [Song: “Life Sure is Sweet”]