Answers to search engine queries

By | 6 August, 2009
What the Internet really looks like

What the Internet really looks like

Being modelled on a nightmarish Orwellian police state, here at your soaraway Shoot Up we monitor your every move on the site with incredible and intrusive detail. After all, there have to be some benefits to running a blog.

One of the metrics we can see is what people type into their favourite search engines to get here. Very frequently these search queries are in the form of questions such as “Do I have diabetes?” Unfortunately I can’t reply to these queries as I don’t know who typed them; so for the benefit of confused searchers, here are the answers to some of the genuine queries we’ve found on the logs:

Search query: I’m peeing a lot and tired, do I have diabetes?
Tim’s answer: Yes, yes you very well may do. Go to your friendly local sawbone and have it checked out. Oh, and welcome to the club!

Search query: I’ve got genital itching and tiredness
Tim’s answer: See above. Welcome to the club!

Search query: Can I be sacked from my job because I’m a diabetic?
Tim’s answer: Nope, diabetes is covered in the UK by The Disability Discrimination Act (DDA). You can read more about this legislation here on You can, however, be sacked for surfing the web at work – so be careful!

Search query: Do the Brits like the NHS?
Tim’s answer: We bitch about it a lot – but in actual fact we’re secretly quite pleased to have healthcare that’s free at the point of entry.

Search query: Good places to shoot up?
Tim’s answer: Just find your nearest junkie-heroin den. That’s the best place to shoot up, man. You can score some good crack while you’re there too. Yay!

Search query: How to get funding for diabetic pump?
Tim’s answer: *sigh* if only there was an easy answer…

Search query: is dry biscuites [sic.] good for diabetics?
Tim’s answer: Unless three hundred boxes of them fall on you we’re generally fine with dry “biscuites”.

Search query: My hba1c was 6.5%
Tim’s answer: Now just stop bragging, you show off.

Search query: What happens if you accidentally put lantus in your pump
Tim’s answer: I’ve no idea – it’s probably not entirely good!

Search query: Accu-chek + [every possible product and word combination]
Tim’s answer: Hello Roche Diagnostics! Nice to see you take checking your brands on the Internet seriously. But, don’t worry, I’ve only said nice things about you. So far…

Search query: Syringe birthday cake
Tim’s answer: Wow! I want to come to that party!

Search query: insulin murder (and many ;

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About Tim

Diagnosed with Type One when he was 28, Tim founded Shoot Up in 2009. For the diabetes geeks, he wears a Medtronic 640G insulin pump filled with Humalog and uses Abbott's Libre flash glucose monitor.

3 thoughts on “Answers to search engine queries

  1. Mark

    Ah, how about: Q. Sex, diabetes, and the pump? A. Beware the tangled mess, but otherwise…

  2. Ckoei

    In the spirit of echolalia:

    Q. Sex, diabetes, the pump?
    A. By application of rhyming reason (Pod,rod,sod), pumping does seem sexy. But then, pen is too. (Innocents, close your eyes. . .darn, now I have to compose the rest of this sentence by means of Microsoft Sam!)

    Q. Big Brother & diabetes?
    A. You only have diabetes because the NHS (Murine Division) took you to the Rodent Room and you’ve come out believing you are a Non-Obese Diabetic mouse/rat. Rats! No more sweet milk cheese for me. . .


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