I did start to write a review of my new pump – Medtronic’s beautifully named “640G”. Oh, how for me the lovely name “640G” summons up heady images of Paris boulevards in the springtime; wild flowers swaying in the meadow’s breeze and halcyon thoughts of baby kittens in baskets. Sigh.
Anyway, noticing that other people have written much better, in-depth reviews of Medtronic’s new toy, my pump decided to take over the keyboard and instead write a review of me. So take it away, Mr Medtronic 640G:
I was first introduced to Tim in mid-February and I’m afraid that first impressions weren’t good.
Despite being told not to do so, Tim removed me from the comfort of the box I’d been delivered in and started prodding me and my buttons. I was handled in a very undignified way and silly settings were manually entered into my bolus wizard – blood glucose levels of 35mmol/l and 400 grams of carbs indeed! I was just glad I wasn’t attached! Tuh, honestly!
A few days later I was lugged in a dark pocket all the way to the Western General hospital for training. I’m afraid to report that Medtronic’s trainer and the three trainees didn’t approach their schooling with the gravity commensurate with the seriousness of the situation. There was far too much laughing, swapping of war stories and silly jokes for my liking.
However, I was eventually connected to Tim using my good friend, the Mio infusion set. Then as we left the hospital – with still far too much jollity – I overheard something about it being Tim’s birthday. [Yeah, pump training on my birthday, what larks! -Tim] I soon found myself in the Mussel Inn restaurant on Rose Street. Apparently, my new owner always has lunch here on his birthday; clearly a man of immovable, entrenched habits.
I was appalled to find that instead of a dietitian-approved, low carb lunch, Tim ordered a kilo pot of mussels with cream and shallots, a tonne of bread and a crisp, dry bottle of white wine (I’m pleased to report that the wine wasn’t all for Tim, he shared some with his wife Katie – who seems a lovely sort!) [Being a seafood restaurant, it’s a pity I didn’t go for the high-crab option! Ho ho ho! -Tim]
I was pleased to help Tim keep his blood glucose under control – despite his best efforts to thwart me – through the use of my extensive dual wave bolus functions. I was then able to deploy my temp basals as he wandered aimlessly around Edinburgh for a while; I think I might have detected a little swaying, I fear that my new owner is not very good at lunchtime drinking…
His poor attitude to diabetes was then further demonstrated by him staggering into a bar called Element for coffee and a vast slab of cake. Though I’m pleased to report that, again, I was able to step in and make sure his blood glucose stayed normal and that he remained alive. In the broadest sense of the term.
Finally returning to my new home on the outskirts of Edinburgh, I realised I would never get any respite from Tim, being attached to him for almost twenty-four hours a day. The indignity of it all! I have to accompany him everywhere – the toilet, his bed – and I have to make sure he’s okay despite all the silly things he eats, drinks and does.
The only upside so far seems to be the smart new black, silicon coat he’s bought me for when he goes out on his bike. It’s a rather snug fit but looks rather good, if I may say so myself. It really does show off my sleek lines and futuristic looks [If ‘1990’s iPod’ is your view of futuristic -Tim]
Anyway, I suppose I’m stuck with him until my warranty runs out in four year’s time; people get less time for murder. Bah!
Well thanks for that glowing review Mr 640G, I love you too. Needless to say, I’ll keep the soaraway Shoot Up informed of how our new relationship develops.