From one pump to another

My pump has been at it again. Having broken our confidentiality agreement last year and attempted to sell my secrets to the highest bidder, I’ve now discovered my pump has been penning some words of advice for the new pump on the blog….

A shiny new pumping friend, I can hardly wait!

I can’t tell you how excited I am to have a new friend coming online soon. Alison has written epic tomes on the top questions people ask about pumping and penned some tips for people about to start on a pump  but what about the pumps? No one writes anything to prepare us for acquiring our first human. Let me fill that hole in the market. Mr Pumperdinck, it is my pleasure to welcome you to the ShootUp family.

The novelty will wear off. I learned this the hard way and my ego has never quite recovered. She started off checking in with me every few minutes, checking I was ok, if there was anything I needed, making sure I didn’t get scratched or bumped. I thought I was the luckiest, most special pump in the world. Sadly, that lasted about 3 days. Since then she’s been banging me into door frames, dropping me, catching me on cupboards and forgetting about me for hours on end. Don’t take it personally Mr P, it happens to us all.

Be patient. The first time she changed my infusion set I thought we’d be there all week. Picture the scene,  Alison and the husband, surrounded by every bit of diabetes junk they own, methodically following the instructions on how to fill a reservoir, change the set, prime the pump. It must have taken half an hour. I was bored out of my mind. Then 3 days later she’d sit down to change the set again and couldn’t remember how she’d done it last time.  They do get the hang of it though and within a few weeks she had it down to a few minutes and now she can even do whilst chatting on the phone which makes life a bit more interesting for me. I like a good gossip with a set change.

You’re only as good as your driver. When he’s too low or too high he’ll blame you, they always do, but stay strong, it isn’t your fault. It kills me to say this but in the chronically mangled words of Monty Python, “you’re not the messiah, you’re just a very clever machine.” We are the crème de la crème of diabetes control mechanisms, when it comes to 24 hour, adjustable insulin delivery systems they don’t come much better than us. But sadly Mr P we are only as good as the idiot we’re attached too. I think we’re lucky, ShootUp authors seem relatively bright so Tim should be pretty good but if he’s a bit hopeless to start with, make loud noises to remind him to actually read his Pumping Insulin book rather than using it as a dust collector.

You are not inadequate. The problem with these pancreatically challenged types is that they see a new treatment and somehow dream it up into a cure. You have done nothing wrong, they’re the ones with the broken pancreas, not you. You function perfectly. You’re doing them a favour by helping to make up for an organ that’s not pulling its weight so don’t you feel guilty when they get annoyed with you because despite your best efforts at the end of the day they are still diabetic.

Good luck Mr P, I wish you well. It won’t all be plain sailing, and some days you’ll wish you were back in your box in the nice warm factory we came from. Be strong my friend, you’ll learn things about Tim that you never wanted to know, disgusting habits he’s shared with no one but you. Its tough at first, but take notes and we’ll club together to get a book deal to share the intimate secrets of the ShootUp two!