I was recently reminiscing about my childhood with some friends.
I grew up in Northern Ireland during the 1980’s amidst the chucklefest that was The Troubles. I usually say we lived in Belfast, but in fact we lived in the leafy suburbs of Cultra – which, as anyone who knows the area will attest, is not exactly the Falls Road. However, despite that, we lived in a house with bulletproof glass windows, barbed wire along the 6ft fence and reinforced gates.
As we chatted about this, I remembered that Sinn Féin was often described as the political wing of the IRA. Therefore it sort of followed that the IRA was the terrorist wing of Sinn Féin. Leaving the heady days of Northern Ireland behind, I wondered whether other organisations could have terrorist wings.
In the UK we diabetics have problems with the NHS, health boards and funding and our chums in the USA have endless issues with healthcare funding and insurances companies. There are clearly plenty of targets, so why not form a diabetic terrorist organisation? We’re all (moderately) clever, well organised and pretty damned fanatical about diabetes – so I can’t see any problems there. We could call it the PCA – the Pancreatically Challenged Army.
I don’t know about you, but I’m somewhat squeamish about real terrorism – I’m almost certain I couldn’t dole out a punishment beating to a health board executive, kneecap a drug rep., or plant high-explosives in an insurance company headquarters.
So I’m thinking more mischief than real terror – rude things said on blogs, seven thousand simultaneous requests for free meter samples, excrement trebuchets, live monkeys released into buildings – that sort of thing. No one will get hurt – just a bit smelly in the case of the fantastical poo-catapult.
So what would an active global campaign by the PCA achieve? Absolutely nothing. In fact it would probably set back the diabetic cause by years – rightly creating waves of public outcry, criminalising those of us with wonky pancreases and leading to sanctions on critical diabetic supplies such as Fruit Pastilles.
But isn’t it just great to fantasise about for just a moment? Turned down for pump funding yet again? Can’t get the number of test strips you need each month? One encrypted message to your nearest underground PCA cell and terrible revenge would be wreaked on your behalf. Oooooh, now that feels good.